Today in My Little World

We're (almost) debt freeeeee!

2010-07-26T09:55:00.005-04:00

Only the mortgage left. Yeay!! We have to save every penny to pay taxes next April, but after that we'll start working on paying off the mortgage. Whoo hoooo!!

Before

After

Woot!

Countdowns and other things

2010-07-07T21:46:00.005-04:00

It is the time for countdowns. Two more weeks until my orange bumper. Five more weeks until fasting month. Six more weeks of the current job. Seven more weeks until we're debt free (ex. mortgage). Eight more weeks until S. Africa, which means eight more weeks of super early morning gym sessions. All I do now is counting down. Whoo hooo! Please time, spread your wings and fly!!!

Last night Nils told me the story of that old lady who kept her dead husband and sister in the house, clothing and talking to them for years until somebody told on her (I think that's how the story goes). Well, that story made me cry. Suddenly, I thought about how it would be if Nils is gone. There'll be no one around to give me a single syllable answer when I ask "How's the chicken?". Long after he's gone, I would probably still expect to hear all the things he usually say in retort to my comments. I would be miserable. Which is why I want to go first :) Yes, I am very selfish.

Not much else is going on with me these days. I'm going to be reaching out to people. Just for the hell of it. My world is only fun when there are people in it :D

Hello hello!

2010-01-26T21:44:00.004-05:00

Wow, has it really been that long? Four months, since my last entry here. Nils asked me why I haven't written anything in a long time. The truth is, there is not much to write about. My life is the same old stuff. I do have a temporary gig for the time being. I'm trying to be a really good sponge and pick things up as fast as I can. Hopefully this experience will help me land something permanent. Well, I know that it will. Sometimes during the day, it makes me smile when I'm reminded that I am now in marketing. :) It's what I've always wanted to do. Once again, God has answered my prayer. I really am lucky. We'll see how much I like it, and more importantly, whether I will kick ass like I did with engineering. I'll let you know in a few years.

Nils is away in the UK this week. I'm home alone, reading, keeping up with my tv shows, and obsessing about (1) getting out of debt (2) locating the car I'm going to buy, and (3) getting my current car ready for sale. All exciting stuff! I do miss Nils, though. Now that I'm used to having him around everyday, it feels really quiet when he's not here. I can't be arguing by myself, now, can I? We have settled into a lifestyle. I was going to say routine, but it's not the routine that we've settled down into. I think it's the established boundaries, ways of (mis)communicating, and knowing where the tripwires are, that make it feel like we've gotten over the adjustment period. It's nice. It certainly wasn't true when we got married, but now, Nils really is my best friend. Heck, he's my only friend friend in New Jersey! I'm still not a fan of the 'burb, but I like the fact that it's cheap. And that, ladies and gentlemen, will allow Nils and I to be free soon. We've already paid off Petronas, and will be done with my MBA loan in a few months (insyaallah). I'm sick of staring at the sticky notes on my wall. I put one post-it note for each thousand that I owe for my MBA, and now that I'm working, they're coming off the wall fast and furious! After that, only the mortgage left, and we'll be home free. Yeay!!! Wish us luck! And wish me luck, hopefully my current work gets extended again!

Our soon-to-be-gone debt post-its!

Must read more

2009-09-30T13:08:00.003-04:00

Nils and I went to visit his dad a couple of weeks ago. While the guys were busy in the kitchen, I looked for something to read. Suddenly, dad went "I'll give you Grey's Anatomy to read." I was hella surprised. One, I didn't know there was a book version of Grey's Anatomy, and two, dad would be the last person to be reading, much less owning one.

Dad disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a giant book. "Sorry, couldn't find Grey's, here's Grant's instead." Wha? What on earth is he talking about?? Then I looked at the ancient book - Grant's Atlas of the Anatomy.

After some period of confusion and subsequent googling, I figured out he was talking about Gray's Anatomy. The textbook on human anatomy. I didn't know such a book existed, or that it was where "Grey's Anatomy" got its title. And I still don't quite know why dad would give me a human anatomy textbook to read. I must've looked really bored.

:)

On getting laid off...

2009-08-09T22:51:00.006-04:00

Now that I've experienced being laid off, I can say that it felt like someone threw me out of a boat, somewhat unexpectedly. It was only somewhat unexpected, because all the signs were there. Revenue was way down, merit increases and bonus put on hold, cost cutting left and right, all that good stuff. We were told that all the laying off was done, no one else need to worry. Alas, the email came one morning with the news that more will be laid off, and they will be notified in the next few days. I packed my stuff that very same day. That was how sure I was that it was coming.

The next day came the phone call, and so there I was, thrown off the boat. I suppose the first few moments after you're thrown into the water, you'd flutter and kick, trying to find which way is up. Vacillating between being professional about it and taking it personally, I cried on and off for about a day or two. No matter what people say - it's nothing personal, revenue much lower than expected, more people than work, new people always gets it first - I couldn't help taking it personally. Here is a group of people who showed me the door, and told me to go. "You are not one of us."

But of course, I believe that truth is usually overrated, and I can choose what I want to believe. So I chose to believe the "new people always gets it first" bit. It made me feel a lot better, and I started to enjoy my unemployment. I was thrown off the boat, had officially stopped fluttering and kicking, and have resorted to floating and swimming about, enjoying the view of the sky, basking in the sun, and looking at the birds. It was quite fun, actually. I even managed to cross a major item off of my bucket list - to backpack through western Europe. I spent three weeks madly researching the places I wanted to visit, and then afterward spent two weeks recuperating from the trip. It was just plain awesome.

I thought that I would quickly get bored of staying at home, but I didn't. I started to cook regularly, go grocery shopping, load/unload dishwasher, do laundry, play games, and sometimes I read. I was a woman of leisure, and I loved it. And then I found Dave Ramsey. I started listening to his radio show, watching his tv show on Hulu, and also read his books. I have heard of him before, and listened to him a couple of times, but previously found some of his advices too conservative. Maybe being laid off has awakened my conservative side. After listening to Dave for a few days, his ideas touched something in me. I have always been a budget nerd, but he got me fired up about getting rid of my student loan (our only debt other than the mortgage). Nils and I can get rid of it much quicker if I work, and that drove me to get serious about job hunting. I am done floating around, and am now trying to climb back onto a boat. This time I'm picking one that I like.

Last week I went for a job interview. I don't think I did too well, and have been glum ever since. It's a company I really want to work for, and to be so close to what I want and then blowing it really sucks. I forgot how much I hated interviewing. Trying to climb onto a new boat sucks ass. I know I'll slip a couple of times and fall back into the water, but eventually I'll get on one. I hope. I will, right? *sigh*

Multimedia message

2009-06-24T19:39:00.000-04:00

Updating the blu-ray player is a pain in the ass. I have to do it to watch Australia. It better be worth it!

Cabela's

2009-06-22T10:38:00.005-04:00

On the way home from Virginia yesterday, we stopped at Cabela's because Nils wanted to get some fishing gear. There were elaborate animals display throughout the store. Quite an experience :)

New fishing pole, yeay!

Multimedia message

2009-06-19T19:11:00.000-04:00

Nils working on father's day steaks. Whoo hoo!

Uhuh

2009-06-02T23:38:00.001-04:00

Who says only working people get to not have a life?

(mamamama)

Hmmm...

2009-06-01T02:02:00.003-04:00

So how come the Daisypath ticker above says it's 11 months+ to my first anniversary? Shouldn't it be our second anniversary a year from now?

Actually both Nils and I forgot it was our nikah anniversary today (technically yesterday, since it's past midnight). Someone else reminded us of it. Haha... May there by many more laughters in the years to come.

:*

All smiles :)

2009-06-01T01:31:00.003-04:00

Not working has been really great. I am happy everyday, every day feels like a Saturday, I no longer hate Mondays, I get to live more than 2 days a week, and what else? I don't know, but I know there are more things I'm currently loving.

Strangely enough, now that I take in less money, I am more eager to spend my allowance. I think because I don't have to work for the money, I am less attached to it. I still put away a little bit for my not-so-secret stash, but I (happily) spend most of it. As a result, I am now waiting for an array of new toys, with a couple more on the list for when I get my next couple of allowances. Whoo hooo!

Fun or no fun, I have started to work on my resume. There is this one job that I want, so I'm tailoring my resume for it. I know I will have to apply to a couple of hundred before I'll land one, but at least I have a place to start. Nils is happy about that. Me, I'm not excited yet, but I know the time will come when I get bored of staying at home. I also don't want to delay our actual retirement too much, so I know I have to get a job soon :) The real retirement will be more awesome than this, because Nils will be "at home" with me, and we won't have to worry too much about saving for old age (we would both be old by then). Maybe we'll get lucky and get to retire earlier than planned. Who knows...

Almost home

2009-04-29T16:16:00.006-04:00

One last stop, and my 30-day whirlwind of a trip will be over. And I can then proudly cross out another item off of my list of things-to-do-before-I-die.

It has been an enriching trip, beyond what I hoped for - seeing 3 STF friends (and one more tomorrow!), eating Iddy's cooking, hanging out and getting to know Aza, learning the meaning of majestic (The Alps) and out-of-this-world (Berthillon and Amorino ice creams), being in awe of ancient civilizations, buildings and paintings (how did it even occur to them to create these things?), using laundromat with German instructions, and realizing how much I like to eat rice (!). All I hoped for when I left home almost a month ago, was a couple of pictures decent enough to make some postcards and fill an album. Thanks Nils, for giving me your "blessing", letting me go on this trip, and not even once complaining that I get to go to all these places while you have to go to work to keep the household in the black (I love u!).

Now, on to my last adventure. Faiez, see you in the morning!! Amsterdam, here I come!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Recharge

2009-04-22T06:50:00.003-04:00

Every morning when I was in Rome, I stopped at the same cafe to get my breakfast of chocolate croissant and bottled water. By the second day, the guy had already knew me at sight and greeted me as I walk in ("Ciao! Chocolat?") and whenever our eyes meet as I walk to and from the train station during the day.

This morning, armed with my usual breakfast, I headed to the Termini, lugging my backpack (on its wheels). A quick stop at the ticket machine, bancomat, and a quiet corner to stuff the cash in my bra, and I was on my way.

The train ride to La Spezia is quite scenic. Passing through Civita,I got a glimpse of what may be in store when I get to Cinque Terre. The coastal view was breathtaking, laced with houses perched on steep, rocky cliffs, facing the green ocean. I was suddenly excited at the prospect of hiking alongside a similarly spectacular view (this, from a person who detests walking of any sort). The next 2 days will be awesome!

Thus far, I've been happy with my itinerary. After hectic sightseeing in London and Paris, I got to recharge and enjoy quiet walks in the Alps. I remember telling Idlan that I finally understood the meaning of majestic, for the Alps was truly that - simply majestic. My only recollection of prior talks of the Alps was from my high school geography classes - banjaran Rocky dan Alps. It was really something to see the humbling mountains in person, instead of just on brown and green topographical maps.

Now, after the hustle and bustle of Florence and Rome, I will get to wind down in the (hopefully) serene Italian Riviera before continuing my journey. Twelve more days, and I will be back in my bed (ini kes homesick).

--
Sent from my mobile device

I am in London...

2009-04-06T11:32:00.003-04:00

... wishing I have my tripod with me

Ready for take off

2009-04-03T17:36:00.005-04:00

One cancelled flight, two flight changes, a gate change, and a plate of rice after Nils sent me off, I am finally settled down at my gate. Out the window, the plane that will take me to Heathrow has just pulled in. That is a giant improvement over how things have been. Oddly, the only time thing that frazzled me so far, was when I couldn't find the restaurant that Nils told me to eat at (oxtail soup, yumm). Villagers.

Nils said it's right after the security check, near the high number gates. I looked around, and when I couldn't find it, I walked over to the next security checkpoint. It was for gates 110+ which seemed like high numbers. I ventured in. No Villagers.

So I walked even further to the next checkpoint. "For gates 90 - ..." - 90 seemed like a high number to me. But still no Villagers. Thank goodness there is no other checkpoint in this terminal, or I would have continued on.

Frustrated, tired, sweaty, I huffed and puffed back to my gate and ate at a Chinese place. After I got my food, I texted Nils:

"Walked all over and didn't find Villagers!"

"What's a village?" came the reply.

"Place u told me to eat!"

"Gallaghers. Sorry phone autotext is stupid"

And from where I was sitting, I could see, in red neon lights "G a l l a g h e r s" *sigh*

Still in my backyard, but the adventures have begun.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Nak pegi merantau

2009-03-26T12:26:00.004-04:00

Now that I'm pretty much done with reservation stuff for my trip, I have time to chill and enjoy my free days. I cant' believe it's barely 2 weeks since I've been unemployed. Time goes by so slowly, and not in a bad way either. At first I was bumming about being laid off (which lasted for about a day), but after deciding that it's nothing personal (they laid me off not because I suck!), things look a lot better.

Within about a week, I decided to go backpacking through Europe for a month. I know this is probably the only chance I have to do this, if I were going to have a family in the next few years. So Europe it is, and I'm leaving 8 days from today. Deciding on a reasonable itinerary was extremely hard, but thank God for Google Earth, and once I mapped everything down on a calendar, it became quite obvious what I will and will not have time for. Thank you also to Tourist #2 for being bersabar, listening to me talking about nothing but my trip, and keeping me company online on my sleepless nights trying to decide on places to see.

It's funny that I will see Iddy again after seeing her not nine months ago, thinking I might not get a chance to go back anytime soon. This trip is going to be very much on a tight budget because (a) Nils is not coming along, so I'm limited to whatever I've saved of my allowance, and (b) My income stream will soon be limited to unemployment checks, so I have to conserve appropriately. But I will make the most of it and will have tons of fun!! I can't wait to see Iddy, Aza, and Faiez!! I sure hope Aza's french is better than mine. And Faiez, you better stock up your pantry for your show-and-tell cooking nanti! Nanti kau buatla desserts bubur ca-ca ke, sago gula melaka ke, ok? By the time aku sampai Amsterdam tu nanti dah kurus sket kot sebab angkut beg sana sini.

So now that rooms and transportation is all set, I'm moving on to reading about the sights and learning a couple of French, Italian, and German phrases.

Ciao!

Drama-less

2009-02-19T22:00:00.004-05:00

My life is devoid of drama. And mostly by design. But maybe drama is what gives life meaning. And maybe even I need some of it. That might explain why I'm starting to watch TV shows for their drama. Following underlying twisted plots of relationships and random happenings in people's (unreal) lives gives me something to relate to. Albeit a very one-way sort of relation. I think I'm just getting lonely.

I read somewhere that having a best friend at work increases your job satisfaction. My best friend at work is physically 3,000 miles away, but our daily contact brightens my day at the office all the same - even when it's limited to seeing the green dot and reading the day's status. Other than that, I've basically kept to myself at work. I think I've even stopped trying and started avoiding. I don't even know why.

It's funny that after I moved away, the Bay Area really seems like home to me. I know the back roads, the fast lanes, the slow lanes, and within a 25 mile radius, I can drive around without needing a GPS. I know where to find things. I know none of that here in New Jersey, but of course, it's because I "just" moved here. The thing is, I don't know if I care if I never know where things are here. But this is where I live. And a giant dump of a strip mall or not, this is home for now.

No point to this one (just like the rest)

2009-02-02T22:57:00.005-05:00

I was so bumming I lost my Ferragamo boots. Since it gets so cold lately ni, I went and bought myself a new pair. It was so hard to find a decent pair that's not too trendy. Aku ni manalah reti fashion fashion sangat ni. But, wah! Rupanya Stuart Weitzman ni memang sungguh comfy! Nils doesn't like the pointy toes, but I love! Oklah, so maybe now I'm not so bummed out anymore. Whoo hoo!

Did I tell you, last week Nils masak sardine with cili padi for me? Muahaha! So good! And so nice of him to cook for me while I was swamped with work. Especially considering he doesn't eat sardin. Fishing bait, he says. Ada ke patut?? :p But it's ok, more for me!

My very own quiet time

2009-01-31T11:42:00.005-05:00

I love my quiet (semi-) morning hours on the weekends. TV is off, Nils still sleeping, I'm the only one up melayan friends living in my laptop - as Sang Mimi calls them. In this time, I only hear the noises in my head, and I can only see what's right in front me (barely), sebab belum put in contact lens lagi. It's so quiet, I can actually hear myself think! Oh, and I've discovered that I think in English.

So many people asked last year, that I actually made an effort to find out. It required some effort, because every time I think of that question, I was thinking in English, but then, is it only because I was trying to answer that question? Was I thinking in Malay, but using English words? So confusing. But after many months of never catching myself thinking in Malay, I've concluded that I think in English. Well, at least most of the time. I suspect when I'm talking to my mom and such, I think in Malay. God knows I don't know the English words to "asam keping," "daun pandan," "air muka," "berkenan," and all that stuff. One mystery solved, now on to the next obsession.

I finally ordered my desk last week. Whoo hoo! Even in the midst of working siang malam, I had the time to go look for that. Maybe I finally got tired of working at the dining table, hunched over my laptop, with papers strewn all over. So this Wednesday, my new desk will be here! Whoo hoo! Last week, Nils took some pictures of his antique furnitures to bring down to the auction house. We might sell a couple of pieces to make room (and money) for a sofa set, bedroom set, bookshelves, and maybe some comfy seatings down by the pool table. Last I heard, Nils was talking about a flat screen for that room. The look on my face when he told me that, must've been "not nice," since I haven't heard of that idea since. Actually it's not such a bad one. If we sell the giant 60-incher downstairs, we'll actually gain some space so that it doesn't feel sardine-cramped down there. We'll see lah. Playing house is tiring some time, but it will be nice when this place doesn't feel like a house for one anymore nanti. (Cue evil laugh)

Well, my quiet time is almost over now. I can hear Nils walk to his computer upstairs. If I turn on the tv now, he'll be down here in a jiffy. Haha. Til next time, people. Have a good weekend! Maybe this weekend I'll make nasi lemak with the daun pandan I found. And next on the list is Swedish Meatballs (hai, laki ku...).

Hi y'all

2009-01-21T22:22:00.002-05:00

My life has been consumed by work as of late. Like the lesson I recently learned - it doesn't feel good to work all these extra hours, but it will feel a hell of a lot worse if I don't (I'm reminding myself, here). Besides, being on top of things is sort of addicting. I'm on my way to being my old workaholic self... (Yeay!)

I'm so psyched about seeing the girlz this Friday! We'll bitch and party and be merry. Just like old times. Speaking of old.. I remember the days when I was in high school, and 24 - 26-yr old teachers seemed so adult. Seemed like they had all the answers, or at least weren't confused all the time. But they must have been. Everyone I knew at that age was confused and unsure about one thing or another. Now I'm even older than our cool English teachers were. Good God I'm freaking old!

Aging is a funny business. If it were really a business, I'd be convinced there is some swindling going on somewhere. First you don't even realize you're living a life. You don't realize that your parents have their own lives. Or that your teachers have their own lives. That maybe they didn't feel like going to work or cooking or doing wash that day. It's like how people say babies can only comprehend what's in front of them - and when you're out of sight, it's as if you don't exist. It's kind of like that. So we're basically babies until we're 30. And then we're just freaking old (except to people older than 30 who think we're still babies). Our metabolism hits a brick wall. And fast food is once again a treat that I can only afford once a month, lest I would really get supersized. *Sigh*

Today I told a dear little kid that 23 - 27 was about the worst time of my life. It wasn't so much that I hated every minute of those years. But becoming an adult really was a pain in the ass. It was difficult to walk in big shoes with my, then, small feet. I tripped over myself and fell down a lot. And then my feet grew. And now I just have big feet. Oh, and I'm old.

Actually I love being in my 30s. It really is shaping up to be the best years of my life. I'm not broke all the time - only sometimes. I'm not confused all the time, because now many doors have closed on me. But I really am proud that I have no regrets. And sometimes I take stock of my life and feel proud, and then I message Iddy and she has to listen to me talk about myself again. Hehee...

I am, however, terrified of growing old. So I want to try and do everything I want to do while I still can. Before I institute permanent changes that would end my life as I know it. Because after that, it will be a new chapter, and I'll start to trip all over myself again. So for now, I'm going to just rest and enjoy being on my feet.

I understand now

2009-01-03T17:43:00.004-05:00

Working on a weekend sucks big time (a long holiday weekend, no less). I only do it because I now know that it will feel much worse next week if I didn't. Hurray for me, for finally learning this lesson...

On my own

2008-12-01T21:38:00.003-05:00

Monday is almost over. But soon Tuesday will be here. It's almost time for bed, and then it'll be time to go to work again. I don't want to go to bed!

Nils is away this week, so I'm on my own. Took out the trash and what not, and after this I'm gonna tidy the bedroom a little. We have stuff from our honeymoon trip still strewn around the bedroom. It's driving me crazy. Two weeks ago we were going to the city and I couldn't find my boots. In fact, I still don't know where they are. Sedihnya!

Thanksgiving weekend was nice and quiet. Dad had his radio competition, so we spent most of the weekend with mom. We didn't do much, just hung out around the house. Mom adopted a family for Xmas, and Nils and I are going to buy toys for the two kids. It'll be fun! I can't believe the mother didn't have a single winter coat and had been waiting for the bus out in the cold. It's amazing what some people go through to make a little bit of money for their families. So on Sunday mom dropped off a heavy jacket for the lady because she didn't want her to wait for Xmas. It's getting cold these days, she's gonna need that coat! I hope she'll be warm now when she waits for the bus. And with all this talk about recession, I feel really lucky that Nils and I are somewhat insulated from the worst. Alhamdulillah. All the same, we're sticking to our budget and saving all we can. At least it's just the two of us and we don't have any other mouths to feed.

Ok, I'm off to clean the bedroom. Laters!

Thanksgiving weekend

2008-11-26T16:13:00.004-05:00

I've been fighting this cold for a few days now. Good thing it's a short week. It's so hard to concentrate at work with stuffed up nose and sore throat. Nils and I are driving down to Virginia tonight. He wanted to leave right after lunch, but I was too sick and lazy to pack last night, so we'll leave after dinner. Nils has to make lobster salad tomorrow, and I haven't even asked him anything about it yet. I wonder if he has all the stuff he needs.

(The end. Cerita orang malas memang kadang-kadang takde ending nya...)

I tried to do handstands for you...

2008-11-24T21:48:00.003-05:00

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do handstands for you
Every time I fell on you
Every time I fell for you
For you....

:)

Productive day

2008-10-21T18:24:00.004-04:00

Working from home totally rocks! I got a lot done today.

Ok. So I have a new camera (new toy, yeay!) but I don't know what pictures to take. Especially since I'm stuck indoors all the time on weekdays. I still remember playing with my late dad's camera when I was a kid. Manual focusing was tricky. "Twist it until both sides are clear and the two sides connect smoothly." Maybe photography is a hobby people grow into and out of. Like playing a guitar. Obviously, I'm hedging against the likelihood that I will fall out of love with photography. My interests are rarely long-lived. I think I've said that before. I'm curious myself to see how long this one will last.

It's my TV night tonight. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my TV nights. On Tuesday I watch House, on Thursday I watch Ugly Betty and sometimes Grey's Anatomy. People keep telling me Grey's Anatomy now is so boring. Well, I haven't been watching the show regularly, and I didn't watch it back when it wasn't boring. But I like last week's episode. The girls sitting on a couch in derm being envious and bitching about what they have, reminds me of the good old days at my other job. On not-so-happy work days, I could go to my girls and share my misery. To just about everyone I am always professional, but with the girls, I am me. I miss them. Maybe that's why I dread the office every day. Because there is no place for me to be me except when I'm alone in my cube.

Life is funny like that. For the most part I cannot remember what I did in recent years. But small, silly things I can remember and make me smile (or make me wanna cry). So does that mean then that it is destined that a big chunk of my life will be wasted? How do I maximize the non-blur part of life? Already now I'm hating 5 out of 7 days in a week... And when there's no little nuggets of memories in the five days that makes me feel, it really feels like time is being wasted.

This and that and this and that

2008-10-14T18:07:00.005-04:00

I am back home now. Back to being reminded of what it feels like to be inadequate. It's enough to make me want to stay in bed, but every morning I crawl out all the same. I wonder whether it's really that much fun to be retired. It must be. It better be.

This morning I added to my iGoogle page the weather for Calgary, AB. Boy will be there for the next few months, and I thought it would be nice to know what kind of weather he's getting. After all, in a few weeks he will be the only person who will have worse weather than I do. I might need such taunting opportunity to lift my spirits. Many times today I caught myself hoping that it would get warmer there (webpage showed a high of 44F). I don't know why. It's not like he wouldn't know to put on layers and jacket. Maybe in my mind he's still my little brother. Takut beku pulak budak ni karang...

Ok, so a little personal discovery I stumbled upon in the last few weeks. You know how people ask "What makes you tick?" For a long time, I don't have an answer to this question. But now I do. Obsession. I think this even Nils would vouch for. I've heard people say life is a series of random occurrences. But for me, it's a series of mini-obsessions. I go happily from one obsession to another, regardless of whether it benefits me or someone else. So when I'm scouring the internet to get info for someone, it's not so much because I'm trying to help them. It's only because I'm feeding my obsession. It really does make me happy. Some of my happiest moments are when I'm obsessing on something, be it work, pictures, budget, flight tickets, or whatever. Hai bertapa lah screwed up nya pala otak ku. :p Whatever floats your boat, right? I wonder if the next time I go for a job interview, is this something I can share with the interviewer? Will it sound too psychotic?

In Dubai @ Burj Al Arab

2008-10-02T09:47:00.011-04:00

Model of the hotel

Lobby

Fountains in the lobby

For honeymooners

Bathroom pun nak amik gambar
(wif Hermes sets yang bakal di kebas)

Breakfast

When we were in Madrid...

2008-10-02T09:16:00.014-04:00

Just about jumped off the bus when I saw the store....

A few minutes later....

Sukses..... :)

Sighting

2008-09-29T10:35:00.001-04:00

Oh, agaknya inilah kasut Onitsuka harimau yang Sang Iddy sangat minat tu... Baru hari ni dapat aku menengok nya...

Mad Men

2008-08-25T22:18:00.006-04:00

Sometimes random lines in TV shows or movies strike a chord with me, and point out things that are so close to my face, I couldn't see them. Today I was watching Mad Men (TiVo) and I was disoriented, as usual (I don't know whether it's the 60s clothing, lifestyle, or the tangled storyline), when out of nowhere this lady went "It's America. Pick a job, and then become the person that does it."

Eh, was she talking to me? Did somebody tell her what I've been whining about lately? Don't get me wrong, I like my new job and company. It's being confused and lost all the time that I'm having a hard time getting used to. I'm slow and unproductive at work since I'm training on new things, software, processes, etc. I wish this training period would end soon.

Too many things are whirling and swirling around me, I just need more time to get used to things. New job, new place, new life, new people. My feet are not touching the ground. I wake up on Mondays and crawl through the week to celebrate my weekends. But I'm too old to live one week at a time. Because that means I'll only have 52 units of "living" a year, and I don't have that many years left to spend with everyone I love. So 52 units/year is not an acceptable number.

That same lady in the show later said "You have to start living the life of the person you want to be."

I think I'll try to take her advice.

Saturday breakfast

2008-08-09T10:29:00.004-04:00

This is our new weekend breakfast menu - Prata burrito. Prata segera, scrambled eggs with onions, and Lingham. Just fold and eat. Yummmm....

Prata burrito

Yes! Yes! Yes!

2008-07-24T20:51:00.002-04:00

I just finished writing my last paper for my MBA program. I am now done with school. Forever. And ever. It feels so good. I can now go back to sitting on my ass when I come home from work. Whoo hoo!! No more worrying about school stuff.

I started my new job this past Monday. When I was in still in school, I first wanted to do consulting. Then I switched to Marketing. And now I get to do both. That rocks! I'm in training this week and next week, and I like what I'm learning so far. I missed one week of training, so now whenever I get any free time, I sit at my desk and do some self-training stuff. It's been a long time since I were this clueless at work. It is exhausting and disorienting having to learn new company lingo and what not. But people at the new office is friendly, and they are very laid back, so I think I'll be ok.

One of the good things about my new job is that it's really close to Nils's office. So this week we have been carpooling. With gas price hovering around $4 / gallon, that is a big saving for us. Talk about saving, Nils and I have to revise our budget soon, now that our expenses have changed. I want to ask for an increase in my allowance. Hehehe... That way I can save a little bit more in my personal stash. Wish me luck!

So far still no word yet from the photographer about my wedding pictures. He said the pictures will be up this week. That reminds me, I have to call makeup lady to make an appointment. We didn't have a professional photographer at nikah, so we thought we would use the "engagement session" to take pictures in our nikah outfit. Too bad Boy is not here to re-enact our youtube akad. Teeheehee... :)

Mmmuuaahhs!

2008-07-21T21:28:00.004-04:00

Thank you my darling friends for being there with me. It wouldn't have been as much fun if you guys weren't there.

What do these socks have in common?

2008-07-09T17:55:00.002-04:00

They are all black? *******

They all belong to Nils? ******

They are all missing their pairs!! Ding ding ding ding ding!

I couldn't believe it. 6 different kinds of black socks! Hehehee... No wonder Nils switched to his new strategy - buy 12 pairs of the same one and stick them in the drawers. His logic: this way he can just grab any 2 and they will match. Sungguhla creative anak mak :)

4th of July

2008-07-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

Nils and I are celebrating 4th of July in Virginia this year. We're usually at the beach house at this time of the year, but this year nobody had any time off from work, so Dad canceled the trip. We were going to take the metro into town to watch fireworks from the rooftop of Dad's office, but it was drizzling and what not, so we bagged that plan. Instead, we went for a bbq at the neighbor's house. The entire block was pretty much there, and I got to meet all of them for the first time. They were very nice and warm to me. For some reason I'm always surprised at how nice Nils's family and friends treat me, mostly because I know I am usually not particularly nice to strangers (I'm not rude to them, I just don't make extra effort to make them feel comfortable). But today I was nice. I was chatty with almost everyone there. Maybe part of getting old is learning to be nice to people I don't (yet) know.

We're heading off to Mom's tomorrow morning. Might grab a bite at this Japanese restaurant we usually go to (yeay fish cheek!). I wanted to do dim sum since we don't have those back in kampung Bedminster, but it would take too long. Next time, I supposed. So no chicken feet for me this trip.

Oh, I turned in my resignation letter yesterday. It feels so weird and scary to be in-between jobs. It's like I've fallen off a tight rope, and still waiting to find out whether there is a net down there...

Relax

2008-07-01T08:54:00.000-04:00

The maid is here, so I am seeking refuge on the balcony. Thank god for the wireless connection. Yesterday turned out to be a really good day. Nils finally beat his long time pool rival. It's so awesome, and even though I can't fully comprehend it, I'm so proud of him. Apparently this guy is the only other 7 (pool also got handicap) in Northern NJ, and Nils has never beat him on the small table. And yesterday's match was extra good, because it was on the guy's old pool table that he gave to the bar when he upgraded to the pro one - so he knew the table like the back of his hand. Anyway, bottom line is, it was an extra special win. I had to make Nils take Nyquil to stop him from being hyper and so I can get to sleep. Muahahahaha...

And the other good news is, I got the phone call! Whoo hoo hoo! Sekarang tiba lah masanya......

My essentials

ps: I miss Malaysia Hall :( Huwaaaaaaa!

Fortune

2008-06-30T14:36:00.001-04:00

Even the fortune cookie is mocking me! Arrrrrggghhh! All this waiting is killing me.

Today's fortune...

The elements of my new life -

2008-06-29T12:41:00.000-04:00

- laptop, tv, maruku, soda (hidden behind shoe), and fleece blanket.

Trying my new shoooz... (Whoo hoo!)

It's been (almost) a week since I got back from my Helsinki - St. Petersburg - Moscow - London trip. I'm finally settling down and getting things in place. I got a new trash can for the kitchen, so no more clanging and banging. Threw out boxes, cleaned the garage, Nils's car, etc. Hah, now I can rest and comfortably plant my butt on the couch (Iddy, I miss the window by your couch!). The house doesn't feel as sunyi as it did when my family first left. Although I'm still reminded of them when I drive by the Marriott and the mall. :( It's ok, I'll see them again soon.

My new life will unfold in the next few weeks, and I hope it turns out ok. New place, new job, new routine. New everything. Got my New Jersey license, and getting new title and registration on Monday. And I keep getting sms from my mom to make drinks for Nils and to take care of him. Hehehe thanks, Mak. It's still a few months before our trip to Malaysia in October, but things will be so hectic, I'm sure it'll be here in a hurry. (I can't wait to eat sambal goreng!)

I still need to finish up our Nikah wedding album, send pictures, and all that good stuff. Will do so as soon as I can. The last few days I've been battling a virus attack on my laptop. I think I finally cleaned it up. Next time must be careful when opening files.......

Hello, St. Petersburg

2008-06-14T17:11:00.000-04:00

Am I really in Russia?

Day 1: Newark - SFO - London - Helsinki

2008-06-07T18:25:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting at the airport, waiting to board my flight to Helsinki (via London). Thank God for the 6-hour wait, I finally got the time to do address changes, send out emails, etc. Even managed to get my blackberry unlocked for free (thank you, Cingular).

Iddy, I'll see you in 2 weeks!! I might change my flight to a later one so I can fly directly to Newark from London nanti. I wonder if I should stay an extra day. Hmmmmm... What do u think? But then I will need to find another room for the night. Cannot stay at Park Lane for the second night. Haha. :p. Can tido at your house or not? Hehehe

Keep smiling

2008-06-05T23:25:00.000-04:00

There are some things you just never forget...

That's what friends are for

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, oh, for sure
'Cause I tell you that's what friends are for
For good times and for bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

English Set 1 with Cik Narimah... Huhuu..

Nikah day

2008-06-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

I guess I'm officially a married woman now :p

Buried

2008-04-28T02:10:00.000-04:00

I spent the entire weekend holed up in my apartment, eating lunches and dinners from the one delivery order of Indian food. Once in a while, I peeked at the calendar to see how much more of this I have to endure. Nils is on YM, tirelessly cheering me on as I finish writing my midterm and work on my projects. I figured out what to do for one of the projects, so now it's only a matter of finalizing with the rest of the group and writing up the paper. Shouldn't be too bad. Crappy ass midterm is pretty much done. So that's that. I'm not going to sweat it too much.

Work situation still unsorted, and will stay that way for at least one or two more weeks. Considering the movers will be here in less than 4 weeks, I should probably call them this week and confirm everything. Car needs to get serviced, so I'll call them tomorrow to make an appointment. Hair appointment already taken care of.

I wish I have more interesting things to tell you apart from blabbering about my to-do list. But really, there is nothing interesting going on. Three more weeks and I will be free from the claws of school work. Whoo hooooo hoooooooo ! ! !

Almost...

2008-04-18T02:05:00.000-04:00

Thank you my dear friends for your kind wishes :) Of course I will invite all of you for Malaysia reception, insyaallah. But it will be in Johor, ok? And dekat hari raya plak tu. Hari raya ke-lima if I'm not mistaken. I will send invitations once plans are firm and my wedding planner a.k.a. Boy gets the wedding invitations printed.

It's been a hectic week, and I don't think things will let up for a few more weeks. At least I've booked all the flight tickets except for Boy's. No more scouring different websites and harassing travel agents for a million and one quotes. Also booked hotel rooms for Kak K and family, and Nils's mom & aunt. I'm preparing for my cross-country drive with Boy and Cool Aunt. Got myself new wipers (no more streaks, yeay!), GPS, Rain-x & safety stuff. I better tell Boy to learn how to change tires. Just in case.

Nils is busy cleaning up his house for the akad nikah. The basement is nice and clean now. He and Craig finally put up the lights for the pool table. It actually looks pretty nice. Maybe we should get a couple of high stools. Even the garage is completely empty and clean (I've been waiting for this for 2 years)! Nils in charge of getting kadi and lunch venue. I don't think either is quite done yet, but if I ask again he'll get mad and tell me I'm nagging. Hehehee... So I'll just keep quiet.

At work, I'm wrapping things up and transferring everything to the new guy. Two more things on my to-do list, plus two training sessions I have to give, and then I'm pretty much done. Still no word yet on what my new position will be.

School is almost over. Three more weeks of classes and eight more deliverables, and I am all done for the semester. Next stop, Helsinki. Oh, and then after that I get to see Professor Iddy. Whoo hoo! Until then, I am keeping my head down and plowing ahead. Wish me luck!

Round and round and round we go

2008-04-04T01:19:00.000-04:00

I'm changing my nikah date to May 31st so that I don't have to take time off after starting my new job (other than for our honeymoon + Malaysia reception). According to my genius plan, in approximately 7 weeks from today, my brother and I will be on our cross-country adventure, and I will start my 6-week time off from work. But right now everything is up in the air, I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. Nothing is confirmed yet on my new job. And worse, nothing is set yet for the relo. My to-do list is so long, I feel like pulling my hair out. So do I wait to get relocation and time-off confirmation before buying tickets for my family? If I wait much longer, flights might get sold out and I'll end up paying through the nose for them. But then, if I buy now and later find out I have to change the dates, I'll end up paying extra too. What to do... what to do...

(help!)

Camera baru ku

2008-03-26T23:48:00.000-04:00

I took these pictures from my parking spot this morning. Saje test drive my new camera. Need to make sure it's good enough to zoom on a leopard snoozing on the tree branch nanti. I'm not an avid photographer by any means. But still... the camera takes pretty decent pictures.

This is the view from my apartment parking spot.

Ok, I lied. That was the view from my neighbor's parking spot. Mine is about 10 spots to the left, with some trees getting in the middle of the scenery.

Part of the same view @ 10x zoom

So I think the camera will be good enough for our trip nanti. Whoo hoo!! I'm glad I returned the Sony DSC.

Goodbye my dear friend...

2008-03-21T01:50:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how one man can touch so many lives. Your hasty departure made me realize that while I'm trying so hard to be a professional, busy climbing the corporate ladder, and going to school to better myself, sometimes I forget to be a human being. May I remember this lesson forever, and if I'm lucky, learn to be compassionate. Memories of you will be treasured forever, and one day they will be sweet reminders of our friendship, instead of the sorrow that they now bring. Goodbye, my dear friend. I hope you knew how much you are loved and respected.

One down...

2008-03-10T13:40:00.000-04:00

Marriage license done. Plenty more to do...

How did Petey manage to snap this picture?

Halloooo...

2008-03-08T21:55:00.001-05:00

It's been quite a while. Life is a little crazy and there are so many things going on. Haven't really made plans for August yet. Good thing it'll be a small ceremony.

Have I told you I'm running out of steam and am super glad this is my last semester? Well, I'm telling you again, because I'm really really glad it's my last semester. I'm looking forward to the move - to a new job function (hopefully), and to a new area. Whew...

Oh, and I'm going to Finland and Russia for my last class in the program. Whoo hoo! I can't wait.

Three days...

2008-02-09T16:44:00.000-05:00

... of classes in a row, pain in the butt. Not having a Saturday class, priceless.

My latest addiction

2008-02-06T03:07:00.002-05:00

Tues 9/8c on Fox

Dr. Chase, kenapalah awak sangat cute?

I need some sleep. Work + Classes + Homework+ House = Tired Kokes

Happy Birthday, Kak CT!

2008-02-03T04:28:00.000-05:00

We all met up today for Kak CT's birthday. It was a noisy table of 8 ladies, so noisy that they had to pull out the curtain between us and the table to our left. It was fun sitting there just chatting away. A few times I felt pangs of sadness when I was reminded of the fact that I won't be hanging out with them anymore after this summer (if everything goes well, insyaallah). A few of the ladies, I've just met and am only beginning to feel comfortable with. And soon it'll be time for me to leave.

I've started thinking of the hassle of moving. I'll have to find a new place for haircut, facial, to do eyebrows, get kicap & Lingham, for car wash, and not to mention having to find new people to hang out with. :( I'm sure it will all be fine once I'm adjusted to my new surroundings. I'm quite looking forward to it, actually.

Plans for the wedding are coming along painfully slow. Except for the photographer, I haven't made much progress for the preparation. I better not forget to tell my brother to get the album for duit hantaran. It'll be impossible to get that here. I think. I don't know what else to do for the nikah. Are we going to do it at the house or do I have to look for a place to rent? What about our clothes? Where to get baju nikah here? As far as the honeymoon go, we have some pretty good ideas but are still trying to decide. It's a bit hard to plan, when I don't even know how much time off I can get from work. Good thing Nils and I (miraculously) agreed not to have any registry, so that's one less thing to worry about.

Other random things: I'm painfully looking for a third class to take, waiting for final words on my replacement, and dear God, I hope the girls were just kidding about the bridal shower. I miss going out with Nils. He doesn't know it, but sometimes I watch whether he would put his hand or elbow out for me to grab when we walk to the store. He always does :)

This week's burr

2008-02-01T19:33:00.000-05:00

Every so often I get this burning desire to do something, whether it is to buy another doodad on my wishlist, change address on accounts, upgrade plans, or some other crazy and mostly inconsequential things that cross my mind and happen to get stuck there. This week's burr is to look for a financial institution for our common pool accounts.

Nils and I are in the midst of consolidating our finances, and after much debate, we decided to have a common pool for bills and savings, and each have separate accounts for our own money. I started looking around, and Etrade seemed to be the most promising. They offer investing and banking accounts, so you can have all your accounts in one place. But after transferring my money, it took (is taking) sooo looong before it shows up on my account. I did read ahead of time that funds will not be available for withdrawal for 5 days blablabla, but I thought that was only for withdrawing, and I could invest it right away. Ameritrade says the same thing about funds availability but I can buy stocks with the money on the same day or the next day. So what is with this 5-day hold? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the account is new. I don't know. I've been really happy with Ameritrade and would open the common pool account with them, but they don't offer bill pay. That means we will need another common pool account for paying bills.

So here I am, looking for a new place to set up our accounts. After my research, Fidelity seems to be the best option. And now I'm in the process of reading all the fees + fine print, and doing my "Fidelity sucks" research to see how many people out there hates them. Had I done the same thing before opening that account with Etrade, I would've saved myself all this trouble. Next time I will listen more to my instincts. I knew something felt funny when I was opening that account (from the little things I caught in the fine print), but I was too excited at the prospect of being able to see our accounts - savings, checking, investment, IRA - all on one page, so I just plowed ahead.

Etrade 1: Kokes 0

:(

Sunday morning

2008-01-27T11:42:00.000-05:00

When will the rain let up?

"Hi, my name is Kokes"

2008-01-25T11:39:00.000-05:00

work·a·hol·ic (wûrk-hôlk, -hlk)

One who has a compulsive and unrelenting need to work.

----------------------------------------

This morning I woke up in a fury. Even in my dreams I'm getting pissy at people. It got me to thinking about what is causing this bout of anger and melancholy. I've been struggling to get out of bed in the morning for a few weeks now. Conversations that carry across the cubicle walls annoy me. I haven't been participating in them lately. I rarely do anyway, but at least I used to lend some snickers and what not. Those meaningless chats used to be entertaining and fun.

For better or for worse, I found out what is bothering me. I am a workaholic deprived of work and opportunities to accomplish, even when they mean putting in way more than what I get out of them. What to do, what to do. Bak kata Sang Iddy, "Terima ajelah hakikat." I think she's right. Time to get busy again.

Several things I'm definitely not loving right now:
1. xxxxxxxx is fxxxxxg demotivating
2. The organization processing visa stuff
3. Annual earnings that mystify
4. Saturday classes
5. Supply shortage in the house due to procrastination and forgetfulness
6. Weight
7. Tight clothes (very much related to #6 above)
8. Options that are worth less than cow dung
9. Waiting
10. Being lazy

Some of these I'm taking steps to remedy, others will just stay there because I am not going to put in any effort to stop hating them.

Nils's new look :)

2008-01-24T15:44:00.001-05:00

Nils is going for a professorial look with his glasses and beard

"Here, this is my good side"

Both pictures are blurry thanks to my kokak blackberry. Have to push the button so hard to take a picture - and doing that always shakes the phone. When is Nokia coming out with a nice big screen phone nih?

Ooops

2008-01-24T02:12:00.000-05:00

I was changing the colors at this blog hari tu, and was going through some pages and realized there were some comments there that I have not seen. It must be those before my laziness periods and when I came back to write a line or two, I didn't even bother to look at the old posts. Sori ye kengkawan kalau ada yang rasa comment nya di ignore (kalau ada, kalau takde eloklah)... Tak sengaja. Ini kes jahiliah :)

The final lap

2008-01-24T01:21:00.000-05:00

Classes started on Tuesday, since Monday was MLK holiday. This first week is especially hectic, since I have to go to many different classes to shop for the ones I like. The one last night didn't seem promising, the one today was much better. A couple more to check out, and then I just need to put myself on the wait lists and see which ones I get into. I tried really hard to avoid a Saturday class, but it doesn't seem possible. My choices are limited, and two or three of the good ones are on the same night, so I have to pick between them. So here goes one more haircut-less semester, unless I can get an appointment during spring break Saturday.

Tomorrow I'm taking Nayeem to an SAT class. I can't believe he's graduating high school soon. The cheeky six-year-old is all grown up now.

Now, it's time for me to crawl under the blanket and get warm. It's my favorite time of day... What's yours?

A few dollars short

2008-01-14T17:13:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time I had to prioritize my shopping cart to weed out the least necessary things, so that I'd have enough money to pay the cashier. So today, having to choose between the bottled water and the pore strips because I was $0.11 short, brought back memories from my Berkeley days. I had some coins in my car, but didn't feel like making the trip out to get them. So when the cashier held up the pore strips and asked me "Should I take these out?", I told her "No, no. Take the water out." That's right, I chose pore strips over water. It didn't feel right, but Target didn't have the water that I like anyway. I had to pick the bottled tap water that just happen to taste better than my own tap water. I can live without it for another day. The pore strips - different story. My facial is still a few weeks away, I am too lazy to use the mask regularly, and now I'm desperate.

I would have had enough for both the water and the strips if I hadn't given some money away to the lady in the van. I was driving back to my office from a meeting when I decided to grab some lunch. I couldn't decide what to eat, so I headed to Target instead. I parked my car, and then realized that I didn't have my wallet. But I figured I have enough cash. I was walking into the store, counting my $1 bills, when this lady in a van stopped me (note to self: do not count money, $1 or larger, in public). The lady said her mother is ill, and they were driving up to Santa Rosa to see her when they discovered that her husband left his wallet at home. Now they don't have enough money for gas.

I looked at the lady, trying to see whether she is just taking me for a sucker, or if she really needed the money. Her husband behind the wheel, and her two teenage kids in the back seat looked away when I looked at them. The lady said she would give me her address if I wanted her to pay me back. (Now that I think about it, I wouldn't know what to do with it even if I had taken her address. Shouldn't she be taking my address instead, so she can mail the money?) I couldn't tell whether she was sincere, but figured that I would give her some of my $1's, just in case she was telling the truth. After all, I've had to ask money from strangers before. Once when I didn't have enough for my Bart ticket, and another time when I didn't have change for the bus. The ding-dong bus driver told me to just get on even though I didn't have exact change, since someone on the bus must have some. Well nobody had enough change, and in the end this nice Chinese lady gave me $1 for the fare. Anyway, my point is, it is possible that her husband forgot his wallet, and she really needed the money for gas. So I gave some of my money to her, and immediately, her husband became engaged in the conversation and thanked me profusely. I'll just assume she was telling the truth. Even if it's mostly to not feel like I've been had.

Driving back to the office, I thought that perhaps I should have asked to look at her fuel gauge, and if it was empty, I should've told her to wait for me at the gas station while I go back and get my wallet. If she trusted that I would come back and waited for me, I'd buy her some gas in return.

Oh well, maybe next time.

Awal Muharram

2008-01-10T19:49:00.000-05:00

I would've completely forgotten that it was Awal Muharram if my brother hadn't sms-ed the entire doa akhir tahun. Alahai Adik, apasal tak email aje. Panjang benar, sampai 5 sms. Tak cukup credit, dik oi. Takpelah, thanks for thinking of me dalam sibuk sibuk awak mencari duit tu... Next year I will include reminders for Hijrah dates in my custom calendar. Have you ever ordered a Demotivators calendar? It rocks, yo! Very the appropriate for the office. I just put up a new one for my cube today. My current favorite (http://despair.com/ambition.html):

Selamat tahun baru semua... Semoga tahun ini lebih baik dari yang lepas.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-07T12:59:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2008 will turn out to be as good as 2007, if not better. I am 30 this year, and am looking forward to some of the best years of my life. I was surprised one morning when I opened the papers to find my horoscope:

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Three cheers for letting go, for letting the universe support you, for being excited about the way your life is unfolding! Your open mind gives you great freedom of choice.

That is exactly how I feel (!). For some reason I feel like I'm starting my adventure, what with the upcoming changes to my personal life, school, and work.

Nils and I announced our engagement over the holidays. Both families were happy to learn about it - his family gave me warm "welcome to the family" hugs and kisses, and my mom was all happy that I am finally to be married and that there is a chance after all that she will get a nice menantu and some grandkids. InsyaAllah.

I need to find out what we need to do. How do you bertunang when one side of the family is 10,000 miles away? Video conference? Good thing my mom is very simple. She said "Tak payah susah susah risaukan hal bertunang, terus nikah aje pun takpe." Hehehe.. That's my mom!

So now Nils and I are trying to sort out the details. So many things to do for both sides of the families and friends. Nils will be around for a week, hopefully we'll have enough time to at least get things started. Neither of us has a vision for what the wedding will be like. Mostly because I know very little about western wedding stuff, and not very much about Malay weddings. I need to talk to my brother. Maybe he can do the research for me. I wonder if I'll find anything useful if I Google mas kahwin serba satu. What does "serba satu" mean? The only thing we both know at this point is that we want it to be simple and hassle-free for everyone involved. Some friends have offered tips, info, and advices. Thanks! I will be asking for more of them :)

So here's to welcoming 2008 and my thirties with open arms. Cheers!

Seems like yesterday...

2007-12-10T00:08:00.000-05:00

...when I called in sick and went back to bed. I didn't feel well on Friday, so I decided to stay home and nap. And now it's already Sunday night. *sigh* Where did the weekend go???

My arms feel wobbly from scrubbing the bathroom counters and bathtub. So it looks like typing up my paper will have to wait til tomorrow. I have 1 paper due tomorrow, 1 group paper due Friday that we're trying to finish early, and 1 paper I have to write about my negotiations with Nils. After that, it's gluing my fat ass to the couch for 6 weeks. Yeee ha! I'm starting to miss my after-work free time. I'm either running out of steam for this work+school life, or I'm just tired from an overloaded semester. Next semester will be another full load, and then I'll be done by the end of summer. I can't wait!

So today I tried the waxing caboodle that I bought a few weeks ago. It's one of those professional waxing kit with the warmers, strips, spreader stick thingy, and all the good stuff. It was actually pretty easy, I was surprised. Well, some parts of the leg required some yoga-like position to get to, but otherwise, it was pretty simple. So I can do this myself, and not have to worry about getting appointment and what not. I can do it anytime, day or night.

Ok, I'm off to work on my papers. Have a good week, y'all!

I'm exhausted

2007-11-28T00:03:00.000-05:00

Wed 11/21:
* Left work, went to class. Left class @ break time
* Went home to pick up parking reservation yang tertinggal
* Headed for airport parking. Parking lot full but for 2 spaces. Reservation saved my life
* Flight only 15 mins late

Thur 11/22:
* Arrived on time in Houston @ 6 in the morning
* Got on tiny plane headed for DC
* Gorgeous weather in DC - it was in the 70s
* Nils picked me up at the airport. We went to Aunt Karen's grave and then headed for the mountain house for dinner.
* Beautiful colors on Mount Weather.

Fri 11/23:
* Headed over to Nils's mom's
* Chat, dinner, games
* Fascinated by Nils's mom's life stories

Sat 11/24:
* Breakfast with W & D
* Drove up to New Jersey

Sun 11/25:
* Some serious talk that was not so serious but productive nonetheless
* Brunch with P & E
* Spent half the day shopping for a TV. Decided on one, and they didn't have it in stock. Decided to haul the TV from basement to the living room. Ugly move up the narrow staircase, but we got it done. Almost got hernia.
* Dinner @ home with friends. Fantasy team lost to Nils's. Rats.

Mon 11/26:
* Dunkin' Donuts on the way to airport
* Goodbyes suck :(
* Got home from airport, went straight to class after an hour of rest (including late lunch/early dinner)
* Journeyman
* Went to bed, didn't sleep too well (haven't been sleeping for about a week now)

Tues 11/27:
* Mailed in renewal for license. Hope I'll get it in time before my next trip. (!)
* Training in SF = stuck in bridge traffic
* Started crap Negotiations scoring system
* Haven't heard back from group. Diverted to mindless activities before moving on to the next task

Penghibur hati ku

2007-11-13T02:32:00.001-05:00

It looks like I can only manage one TV show at a time. I used to only watch Gilmore Girls. And since that show ended, I haven't been watching much of anything, except old movies. But now I have a new show. Whoo hoo! For a few weeks now I've been hooked on Journeyman (thank you, God, for HD DVR). The show's so much like Quantum Leap, but different. When I was a kid I used to watch QL with abah all the time. It was intriguing, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do, who he was supposed to save. And he always had Sam (I think that was his name) and his thingamajig to get info from. Just like Dan always has Liv.

I find myself not paying much attention to what Dan is doing/ supposed to do in the past. Instead, I'm always waiting to see what hell he's gonna get from Katie when he goes back to the present and be late for dinner, or when Katie finds out he sees Liv, etc. Heheh... But Katie is so nice and understanding. I would completely go bananas if I keep finding that I'm talking to myself and what not. :p It was like the time I got busy at work and ignored my phone all day. Came to find, at the end of the day, a gazillion million messages from Nils. And then he finally said to me "Do you know what kind of hell I would be in if I did that to you?" hehehe.... so smart of him.

Journeyman, Mondays 10/9c on NBC

As Told by Ginger

2007-11-11T01:51:00.001-05:00

Why isn't Ginger on TV anymore? For some reason I find the show really touching. The friendship dilemmas and personal conflicts strike familiar chords. I've been running around like a headless chicken these past few weeks, and tonight for the first time I miss hanging out with my friends - ini sebab nengok Ginger lah ni. Now that A and CC work on different shifts, it's so much harder for all of us to hang out together :( In fact, I didn't see either of them the entire week. I almost stopped by the office this morning just to chat with CC for a bit. But I left my badge at home and didn't feel like going through the hassle with the guard, so I ditched that idea.

This morning I finally figured out what to do about work stuff. It's such a relief. Now I don't have to panic about work, don't have to panic about classes, don't have to panic about other stuff. I think that was what kept me up these past few nights. Now I don't have to rush to finish my classes. I have 13 credits left to go and I can spread it out between the next 3 semesters (including summer). How time flies. Rasa macam baru je start the program, and now here I am thinking about plans for after graduation.

Recently a close friend remarked that I seem happy and content with my life. And now that I think about it, my life is exactly where I want it to be. Maybe being in school is giving me some shelter from worrying about next steps (maybe it's keeping me so damn busy I don't have time to think about anything). I don't know what it is, but it feels good. And now that I know I'm staying in this cocoon for another year, it feels even better. *phew*

"Someone once told me the grass is much greener, on the other side. Then I paid a visit, but it's possible I missed it. It seemed different yet exactly the same. Til further notice, I'm in between. From where I'm standing, my grass is green..." (Ginger's theme song, lah)

:)

2007-09-17T01:25:00.000-04:00

We bicker, yell, and shout at each other, sometimes about the stupidest things. But sometimes Nils does things that just sweep me off my feet and make me wonder what I've done to deserve him.

Last week he messaged me:

Nils: When are you going to start fasting?

Me: Sunday I think.

Nils: Is it ok if I eat tomorrow? It might be rude if I don't (It was his cousin's wedding in Michigan)

Me: *tak tau nak cakap apa... I didn't think he'd even thought about fasting, since he's all the way over there in New Jersey.*

babybabybaby... sometimes I love you a lottle...

Tamat

2007-09-13T01:22:00.000-04:00

Sebaknya nengok episode 75... Nasib baikla ada si Zaza vogue penceria suasana. Si rizal pun bole tahan gak katunnya. Tapi Joff oh Joff ku yang hemsem dan gentleman, mengapakah dikau pergi?

Hmm esok bermula lah withdrawal Manjalara ku.. Selamat berpuasa, yo!

Gelak di malam hari...

2007-09-07T02:15:00.000-04:00

Hahaha, ada gak lawak lawak bodo dalam Manjalara ni. Memangle lawak nengok si Waji ngan Zaza. Sempat lagi nak kesat tangan kat couch orang tu. Si Zaza lak, dah kena ikat tu pun ada lagi nak kasi nasihat kat Waji pasal muka buruk and rambut tupai dia tu. Hahaha! Memang le menghiburkan hati aku cerita ni.

Tak sabar nak tunggu next episode... Takkan psycho-Suri dah jatuh bangunan kot, nampak Es ngan Lara aje sampai kat rumah.

Yahoooooooo!

2007-08-19T02:47:00.000-04:00

I'm finally free from summer school! Yeay! Gumbira tak terkira. Today was the last day of class. I was so tired, got home from school today and took a 4-hour nap. I don't think I did too well in this class. It's hard to learn much when you're pissed off all the time in class (for having to go to school on Saturdays). One weekend I actually skipped class altogether. Well, I had doctor's appointment in the morning, so I knew I was gonna be late. Pastu on the way from doctor's office, rasa menyampah membuak buak. So I said to hell with class, I'm going to finish my errands. Hah, finally I had time to go to Comcast office. Returned the old box, and got a new one for the apartment (I moved out of SF, so kena get new box from a local office since these cable boxes are market specific). Even went to get a car wash. It was the best Saturday I had in a long time. Kesimpulannya, I will never take a Saturday class again unless I absolutely have to. Which means, I will only do it one more time - I want to graduate early, so most likely next summer I'll be in this same predicament, since all summer courses are on Saturdays. *sigh* Takpelah, 8 weekends je nanti.

I am still waiting to hear the outcome of my latest pursuit at work. We'll see what happens...

Other news: I bought my ticket for Thanksgiving to go out to DC. I got to use my miles, so the ticket only costed me $39. Whoo hoo! First class lak tu going out there. At least boleh la tido sikit. Takla terkemut in my seat nanti. I really don't know what the problem is, my knees hurt so bad after a few hours of sitting. Maybe the seat is too high so kaki macam tergantung gitu kot. Eh, ke I'm too short for the seats? Takkanlah kot... :p

Since Nils will be out here for Labor Day, he won't be with mom on her birthday. Nils didn't tell me it's her birthday that weekend, I feel so bad. Ok, maybe a little bad. Alahai susahla nanti kalau le menjadi ibu mertua ku, belum apa apa I already made her murka. So Nils and I decided that next year we'll spend Labor Day weekend in DC. Hehehe...

Mak dah selamat balik from Umrah. She was complaining the organizer was so cheapo one, they got korok hotel and some things were so inconvenient. I don't know how to tell cheapo umrah organizer from a good one, so maybe next time kalau mak is going again I'll check with my cousins. Kesian pulak dengar dia cerita macam macam tu.

I think that's it for this update. Hope you're having a good weekend you all. :*

Update sikit

2007-08-06T01:22:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I wrote longer than 2 lines. It has been that busy. Summer school is in session and all these Saturday classes are killing me. Friday afternoon, balik kerja, instead of being relieved after a long week, I still need to do case study, reading and shit. Don't even have time to go return my cable box at Comcast office. Geram betul. I haven't written email for so long, so kalaula ada yang membaca blog ni, mintak mahap ye? I rarely get desk time anymore at work, susah nak sneak in replying emails. I spend whatever 5 - 10 minutes spare time I have at work temporarily hiding from work stuff that can wait. So tiring.

Mak left for Umrah yesterday, hope she selamat pergi and balik. Mak is retiring in 3 months. Maybe I'll get her Astro and AC in her room then, at least boring boring she can watch TV in her room. Boy and I have been telling her (half jokingly) that we'll joli her gratuity money nanti. Whoo hoo! Hehehe... Actually we need to take some before she joli them away to invest and get monthly returns. Kalau tak pengsanlah Boy dengan saya nanti kena add-on to duit pencen. Hehehe... I'm proud of my brother, tak berkira pun kalau bagi duit to family. Tak sabarnya nak tunggu Ayid pun bekerja, so he can chip in as well. Haha :p

Nils and I might be going back to Malaysia end of this year for a short vacation. I am looking forward to it. Ui, laparnya rasa when I think of all the food I can eat there. I don't think I'll ever stop missing Malaysian food. Nils keep telling me to learn to make them myself. Hehehe, tak kuasalah. :p It'll be a few weeks before I see Nils again. He's coming out for Labor day. Not sure yet what we'll do when he's out here. Hopefully I'll be done unpacking by then. Serabut wei dengan kotak kotak ni semua.

Ok, now that I'm all caught up with previous episodes of Manjalara, I can go to bed early. It's so much fun to watch her being evil to her family instead. I wonder what will happen tomorrow. It's officially my routine now - balik kerja, go online to watch Manjalara. Even Nils has learned not to call me in that hour window. Whoever this guy is who posts the episodes online, I love you and I hope you continue to do so until the last episode, ok? Sakitla jantung nanti wei if I have to miss the finale. On second thought, maybe I should stay up and watch the last episode live? Anyway, a few weeks to go. Still got time to think about it.

Hai

2007-07-31T00:41:00.000-04:00

gasakle... Dah tak cukup kerja, sudahnya dok nengok Manjalara... Kalau la tak kerana time difference, boleh nengok hari hari online. Tapi takkan sampai nak bangun kul 3 pagi kot nak nengok new episodes? Terpaksa le tunggu orang post online...

Let's see how my newest quest turns out. Ini pun jumpa secara tak sengaja. Nanti kalau ada berita I will share. But for now, harapan masih samar samar...

The new apartment is turning out great. Will be even better after I get rid of these boxes. Oh, and baju baju yg bergunung kat depan katil ni. Alahai, lemah semangat.

bz bz bz

2007-07-20T01:35:00.000-04:00

Oh sangatlah busy nya... Moving, midterm, and one other thing I have to do at work. Good thing Nils is coming tomorrow. 2 hari pun jadiklah.

Maybe bila dah settle in the new place, I'll come back here and update a little.

ppsssst, MC, tarukla gambar lagi banyak banyak..... Azriel sangat comel...

:(

2007-06-20T00:49:00.001-04:00

I miss my frens, yo!

Nasib baiklah MC dah kembali bekerja and updated her blog. I've gone half mad waiting to hear about her baby. Lepas ni upload pics pulak ok MC?

Back to the grind

2007-06-03T22:29:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my first day of work after a one week vacation. I sent Nils to the airport this afternoon and now am watching his flight status - the white plane on the map circling the airport, waiting for its turn to land, I suppose. Poor guy has to get in the taxi line and probably won't get home until way after midnight. Sorry baby. That sucks a little. I'll see you in four weeks!!

The vacation was good. It was a mini road trip from SF to Monterey, Napa, Calistoga, Ft. Braggs, Sonoma, and back home. I didn't like Napa much, but Ft. Braggs was great. I hate hiking, but being along the coast makes it bearable. Enjoyable, even. I kept getting a crazy notion that if I look hard enough I'll see a whale's blow. But of course, no such thing lah. It's too late in the year to be able to see them from the shore. By the way, how is it possible to put on 4 lbs in one week??

I'm almost caught up with my blogsurfing. MC is still not back from maternity leave. I'm dying to see her baby's picture. Iddy, I see that you've made changes to your blog. Tersesat aku kejap tadi, wei.

Monday. *sigh* It's almost here.

Happy Birthday, Yati!

2007-04-25T01:22:00.000-04:00

Tuesday 04/24, 9 am:

Bzzzzzzzz
(Must be message from Nils)

"It's Yati's birthday today, go give her a call"
(Wow! How on earth did he remember that?? Man, this guy really is a catch..)

"How on earth did you remember that??!"

"It just popped up on the calendar on your old phone. Hee hee hee"
(Right. That's more like it... What was I thinking?)

Happy birthday my dear Yati! Hope you had tons of fun!!

Almost Monday

2007-03-26T01:35:00.000-04:00

It's frightening when you find yourself in a familiar pattern - especially when you come to realize that the sequence of events didn't end up too well the past few times they happened. Even more scary when you don't know what it is that triggers this. What causes it? When did it start? How did it start? Knowing that the root cause lies within me at least stops me from going around pointing fingers. I am a firm believer that if something happens to you over and over again, there is something you do that encourages that pattern. But knowing I had a hand in this doesn't make me feel better.

A completely unrelated question: how do I get from here to business development? Argh! Crap lah. Work is good and bad at the same time, I don't know what to say about it.

Pity Party Alert!

2007-03-23T01:55:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you suddenly find yourself feeling super down? It's like being hit by a truck. All of a sudden it seems the whole world hates me and talks about me behind my back. I wish I were mad about it, but I'm just sad.

I dream of having someone I can pour my heart out to. It has been a while since I've had a friend like that. And from the looks of things, it will be a while more. I don't know what's wrong. Can someone please fix it?

Whip out the violin and start playing now, will you?

Mengomel

2007-02-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

Heh, aku penatlah.

Aik, takkan baru hari kedua dah mengeluh?

Bukan mengeluh, cuma mengadu nasib aje. Nak dengar ke tak nak?
Kalau pikir pasal kerja and sekolah, takla stress sangat. Boleh ride the adrenaline high to get through. And at least yang tu aku boleh gak kerja bersungguh sungguh and keep me busy. Tapi part lain lain tu entahle, kat tu jugakle. Gaduh ikut sms pun jadik. Gaduh punya gaduh pun, kat situ jugak. Cam round round in a circle. Kalau ada ekor boleh jugak kejar.

Hai sabarle...

Ha iyelah. Apa lagi pun yang nak dibuatkan? 1 tahun 10 bulan je lagi kak... Sabar ajelah.

Pleasant surprise

2007-02-18T15:20:00.000-05:00

I got a nice surprise on Thursday at work. I've known for a few weeks now that I will be assigned to a new project full time. It's good and not-so-good, the good is that I get to work full time with the consultants, implementing our new shop floor systems, and not-so-good is that I don't get to lead our contract manufacturing tech transfer, something I've wanted to do for a long time.

But I think my preference has changed over the years, because now I very much prefer the consulting project experience to the tech transfer, since it gives a lot of visibility (good potential for kaki bodek like me), and it gives a lot of interface with other departments. Besides, I will still lead the on-going tech transfer to our client's site, so I will get some exposure in that. So I'm not crying over the transfer. And I certainly am not crying about the promotion. It is a nice surprise.

Now on to a grueling 12 months to establish my footing. As a good friend of mine put it "Now you're part of the hated management". Yes, I need to make the most of it, and prove myself all over again.

No hummingbird today

2007-02-18T15:13:00.000-05:00

Nils's balcony

Gots to study...

2007-02-18T14:14:00.000-05:00

It looks deceivingly warm outside from where I sit, with the sunlight pouring into the living room through Nils's curtainless balcony door. But of course, from where I sit I can't see the floor of the balcony which is covered in snow. It was in the 20s yesterday, and I was surprised that it wasn't as miserable as I thought it would be. For some reason my memories of winter in Indiana was much worse than this.

Nils is out at Home Depot with Craig, buying a couple more things for the house. I stayed home to study and do my homework. Well I tried, but my latest burr of getting a coat is very distracting. At least I finished reading the case. And also found one coat I like on Bloomie's website. That was Nils's idea anyway, for me to browse online so we have an idea what to expect when we go shopping tomorrow.

Ah wait, I hear them at the door. I better get back to studying.

:)

2007-02-09T21:07:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

NST Online
Easing polygamy rules to curb social problems
09 Feb 2007

KANGAR: It’s now easier for Muslims outside Perlis to marry a second, third, or fourth wife in the state.

They no longer have to change their address on their identity cards.

State Housing, Local Government and Environment exco Azihani Ali said the move was to curb social ills such as abandoned babies and the spread of HIV.

"All they have to do is to solemnise and register their union like any first-time marriage," she said.

She said the move would also lead to a "healthy" increase in population.

Azihani said the decision was made during the weekly exco meeting chaired by Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Shahidan Kassim.

Earlier, Muslim men risked a fine of RM2,000 if they married again in the state without changing their address.

Other states have strict regulations governing polygamy which require the permission of the first wife and change of address in the IC.

On imam, she said the state government was upgrading 50 of them to become "kadi" so that they could solemnise marriages.

"But the relaxed conditions do not mean we are blindly encouraging Muslim men to take second, third or fourth wives. They must adhere to Islamic law and ensure their spouses are given their due rights.

"For instance the first and second wives have a right to their family’s shared earnings."

Meanwhile, Shahidan said Perlis will continue with raids on khalwat (close proximity) but without resorting to spying or any other embarrassing methods.

He said the state government was strictly against prying into people’s privacy and embarrassing those caught for allegedly committing khalwat during raids.

Instead, he said the state government wanted religious authorities to focus on offenders who openly committed wrongful acts.

"We want to stop offenders who openly commit acts of sin as they are challenging the faith. We don’t want to pry into what goes behind hotel bedroom doors.

"Knocking on closed doors is not the answer to curbing unlawful behaviour. We must catch those who commit unlawful acts openly," he said.

Shahidan is also mulling the idea of amending the state religious law on enforcement methods to ensure the dignity of those caught and questioned for khalwat offences, based on the principle of "innocent until proven guilty".

The Perlis Menteri Besar is also in agreement with state mufti Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin who had stressed that snooping and embarrassing suspects was against the teachings of Islam, and would project the religion in a bad light.

Shahidan said authorities had a responsibility to focus on the big picture of upholding morals values.

"We must act against all immoral acts and not be selective such as focusing on a single offence. We must prevent immoral acts in a fair manner and not embarrass people while doing it," he added.

He also said khalwat raids must not be conducted with malice in mind.

Shahidan said this after the "Seminar Tangkap Basah Peringkat Negeri Perlis", a seminar to address khalwat raids, at Dewan 2020 here yesterday.

Apo nak di kato

2007-02-09T03:23:00.000-05:00

Girl: So, how long have you been here?

Me: Six years next week.

Girl: Wow! You've been here that long and you're so happy. This must be a good place to work.

Me: *Tergamam. I didn't mean to lie, she was the one jumping to conclusion.*

Agak Country bunyiknya. Tapi...

2007-02-09T03:07:00.000-05:00

how did she know?

The Wreckers: Leave the Pieces

ps: I'm even happier today... muahahahahaha.. Yippekayay!

:)

2007-02-07T01:59:00.000-05:00

I'm happy today

:)

Tee hee hee...

2007-01-13T19:59:00.000-05:00

Apasal muncung tu?

Hehehe.. I found this picture when I was cleaning up my hard drive. This was during our trip to KL. See, Nils and I have pictures of each other with various facial expressions. So when we think the other is sulking, mad, or whatever, we'd send the appropriate picture to each other. Cheap thrills, and sometimes it does cheer me up. Anyway, I don't have a picture of him sulking so this is a precious addition to my cell phone. Last weekend in Vegas he got one of me which is nearly as good. It was my "fuck off" face. I don't remember why I was so mad, and beats me how he managed to snap a picture right in the middle of it.

And oh, last Friday I heard from an old friend. I haven't talked to him in ages, although we've exchanged emails a couple of times in the last few years. Good to hear you're doing well, Joe! And it was absolutely wonderful to catch up. Do come and visit me when you and Lisa are settled in HK ok my dear?

Happy New Year!

2007-01-07T01:29:00.000-05:00

2006 was a good year for me - quite possibly the best year of my life so far. Recently I have this whim that my 30s will be the best years of my life. Now I have something to look forward to. And one year to prepare for it. I accidentally vowed that my life will begin in 2 years - after I graduate and move on from current job and city. It's not really a vow, because it wasn't exactly deliberate. It felt almost like finally seeing that fact, and I'm praying that I will live to see that day. It's a dangerous business, postponing your life. But I think if I enjoy the time between now and then, then it wouldn't be that bad.

Long distance relationships are not my favorite, usually because it means I'm by myself, sometimes lonely, all the time missing the other person. But these days, the thing I hate most is not being able to help Nils when he needs a hand. He's painting and unpacking all by himself. No one is helping him around the house. He had to take the ornaments off the tree, take the tree out, sweep the needles, etc.. This sucks.

Pop quiz

2006-12-27T00:44:00.000-05:00

Q: How do you know your girlfriends are your good friends?

A: When I am full of self-doubt and so unsure of myself, they send messages to ensure me otherwise. SMS-es, messages, and emails with kind words about me. Things I already know, but feel good to hear all the same.

Q: And how else would you know?

A: When you tell one of them that a goose of a certain color is calling you, she tells you she would go for it and deal with tomorrow when it comes. Not judging you of anything.

How lucky am I to have this many good friends... I miss you guys... mmuuaahhhs!

Long weekend...

2006-12-22T03:08:00.000-05:00

Hello there.. It has been a while since I was last here. My first semester is officially over, and I even have the grades for all my classes. I did pretty well, Alhamdulillah. Thank you to Iddy for helping me with crazy accounting concepts. I have to start a buku tiga lima with Iddy, I owe her so much now.

In the next four days I will be lazing around, recuperating from the hectic year 2006. I am armed with many Katharine Hepburn + other classic movies, and have already seen The Philadelphia Story 3 times (it is officially my favorite movie now). Other than a short trip to Berkeley tomorrow for some paperwork, I do not plan to go anywhere (or even leave the city) this weekend.

This will be my last slow weekend of the year. Next week I am flying out to New Jersey to see Nils. Oddly enough, I have recently come to realize, feel, and appreciate how nice Nils is treating me. One Sunday morning he called me at 8 am, and I was cursing and swearing as I was picking up the phone. But before I could say anything, I heard Nils being all excited "Baby, I'm at Coach, do you want something from here? Do you want a laptop bag?" I didn't know what to say. I don't usually go gaga at Coach stuff, but for some reason his gesture really moved me.

Here is this guy, 3000 miles away from me, busy in the middle of painting his place, moving into a messy house (with slanted living room floor and all), busy shopping for his family and friend's X'mas gifts, had already bought me several gifts in the last month, and yet still had it in him to call and ask if I wanted something from a store he was at. I have to say, that was the nicest, awesomest thing a guy has ever asked me. Sometimes I feel that Nils has it in his head that it is part of his responsibility to make sure I am happy. And for that I am very grateful. Maybe even though he doesn't say the things I wish he would say, the way I wish he would say them, he still loves me a whole lot. And tonight when he called and told me he was too tired to drive home to Pete's and will sleep at the new place instead, I wished I were there to unpack the sheets and make the bed for him. Me, wishing I could make the bed for a guy- that is so unkokanglike conduct. What is happening to me?

ps: I wonder if I will be getting anything from Ken's jewelry store this year... (dalam terharu tetap tamak)

Leisure activities

2006-12-11T01:31:00.000-05:00

I've taken to a new hobby nowadays - watching old classic movies. I love the simplicity of the scenes, subtle emotional cues, and especially how the movies don't try so hard to be realistic. And I love the characters' mannerism - so very polite. So far, my favorite is Woman of the Year and Desk Set. So cute to watch Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy falling in love. One such a cold career woman and the other a softie. Sometimes it tickles me how clean these old movies are. The darkened room scenes, silhouette of a kiss, etc. And it confuses me when they talk about money. How much was $20,000 worth back then? My other favorites are Walk, Don't Run (Cary Grant reminded me of Sean Connery in this one), It Happened One Night, and Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House. There are many more that I like actually, tapi takde kerja lah tu nak list them all here.

Tuesday is marketing final, and Thursday is accounting. After that, I'm freeeeeee - for three weeks. We were going to have a birthday party this weekend since CC's birthday is on the same day as mine. But after they all flaked out on last night's plan, I don't know if I'd count on it. It's times like that that I miss Nils the most. At least I know he wouldn't ditch me.

Welcome, winter

2006-11-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

It was nice to have a couple of days away from the office. Thanksgiving dinner at the mountain house was nice. Nothing out of the ordinary, just sitting and yapping. Weather was quite whacky, it was in the 60s in DC and New Jersey, and it's in the 40s here in SF Bay Area. Brrr... I now sleep with the windows closed. Winter is officially here.

Two more weeks before wrapping up the first semester. My extra project at work started yesterday, and I'm thinking of offering my soon-to-be free time to devote to the project so I can get more experience. Work nowadays have turned into mini ventures of trying to get into areas I might want to be in after business school (and green card).

Nils and I had a serious talk about things while I was out there for a visit. We've kind of switched gears from asking "Should we..." to "How do we...". Perhaps in trying to answer this question we will discover whether we can find a way to do it, and whether we have the stomach for what might lie ahead. Life choices beckon.

I did one thing right

2006-11-19T04:18:00.000-05:00

Hah, the best thing I did recently was to quit gym. :) I've left that whole world behind me. Gym membership and exercise machine ads no longer draw a reaction from me. I hardly notice them anymore. I have built an antibody against that world and things associated with it. Today I realized I don't even think about exercising anymore. It's a relief, I tell you. I don't have thoughts like "I'm supposed to go to the gym today", or "Oh no, I haven't been to the gym in four weeks". I'm freeeeeeeee! When people ask me, I proudly tell them "I quit."

Now, if only I can answer the same when they ask about these other things.

Today's random thoughts:

2006-11-17T23:33:00.000-05:00

When something happens that doesn't sit well with you, does it eventually settle down as time goes by, or do you have to put in an effort to do something about it?

Today, even the thought of accommodating other people wears me out. I'm all hostessed out.

At work, why have I been in a hostile mood for the past few months? Why don't I feel like stopping from being a bitch?

I feel so tired all day, think about taking a nap all the way driving home from work, and yet, when I get home I stay up all night and wake up early the next day.

Why? Why? Why? Why this and why that? And where? Where are can I find the answers?

I wonder if MC already updated her blog or put up new pictures yet...

Ah, Iddy masih tidur. Kalau tak, boleh kacau dia.

Pity party.

Finally, we get our grades

2006-11-15T02:36:00.000-05:00

Grades for first quarter classes are out. Remember those people we sneered and jeered at back in our old college days? Those who whine about not getting that A they've so rightly earned? I've become one of them. Quite unfortunate, but I don't really care. I was pissed when I got my microecon grade - that was a few weeks ago, so I've calmed down significantly by now. Well, tonight we got our OB grades. And although it's not as good as I wanted it to be, I'm relieved it is not worse. I'm a little bummed at both my grades and am really trying to do better this quarter. How did S get As in both classes?? Bastard.... Well, I already told him how I feel about that, so don't worry, I haven't quite grown a malicious bone. Not added new ones, at least.

I thoroughly enjoy my classes and learning all the stuff, so if nothing else, I'd have enjoyed the whole journey by the end of this program. So here's to trying harder and maybe getting what you aim for. Cheers!

Toiyoiyoiyoing

2006-11-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

It's super busy at work nowadays, I don't know where to begin. Have you ever feel like your feet are not touching the ground? I know I have more things to do than time to do them. And I'm sure some of these things will miss their deadlines, but I can't quite figure out which one. But when I lay out a schedule, it doesn't seem that bad, and they all fit! So why do I feel so overwhelmed? I know I'm not being the golden employee that I usually am. Too bad for my new boss, I don't think she's ever seen me at my best. Maybe that is too bad for me, but since I'm not chasing a promotion or whatever, I don't really mind. I just need to concentrate on school, do my best, collect my bonus yang sepuncit tu, and move on to the next step.

*sigh* Hang in there Kokes... The end is near. Well, nearer than yesterday, at least.

I haven't been very good at keeping in touch with my friends either. If any of you are reading this, thousand apologies, ok? I think about you guys EVERYDAY. Cuma tak write aje. Partly because I don't have any new stories to tell. It's all the same. School, work, busy busy busy, school, work some more, still don't know what's gonna happen with Nils, all those stuff. Nothing new. I am losing more weight, though. Hehehe.. Yahoo!

Laser

2006-11-03T02:52:00.000-05:00

Hellooooo...

I hope everyone had a good raya. Mine was ok. That's kind of a lie, since I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary on 1st raya. Usual day at the office. Takpelah, I beraya dalam hati. Oh, I watched siaran langsung sembahyang raya from Masjid Negara at the office, I guess you can count that as the highlight of my raya. No worries, it's all good. Nanti ada rezeki tahun tahun depan bole beraya kat kampung.

As of late, I've become somewhat of a "mulut lepas" at the office (cerita ini takde kena mengena dengan raya). Yes, I speak my mind quite freely nowadays, despite the fact that my boss sits in the cubicle across from me. In fact, sometimes I hope she can hear me. No, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against her. She is my third boss, and so far I have been blessed to have three cool bosses in my career. It makes a world of a difference, having a nice boss. At least I don't feel like korek-ing my eyes out when thinking of doing all I can to help her achieve her goals. She's not lokek on sharing her knowledge of the industry practice, contacts at other companies, etc. And for that I will always be grateful. I've always wondered how people do things at other companies. Cuma tulah, sometimes when trying to help she actually adds to the work, so I have to bersabar and keep reminding myself that she means well. I think having female bosses who have kids is a pretty good thing. They have experience dealing with unruly behaviors.

If you are waiting for a point to this story, there is none. Only that realizing my new "mulut lepas" habit reminds me of my mom's comment to my brother and I on one malam before raya (Adik is even more laser than me, ok). "Dah, jangan nak mulut mulut laser kan mak. Mak dah tua." Hehehe... Apa pulak kena mengenanya dengan usia? Apa, kena duck from the laser beams ke? Pshyuu.. pshyuuu... pshyuuu... Hehehe... Sori ye mak... Maaf zahir batin!

:-S

2006-10-25T01:50:00.000-04:00

Today I found this in my inbox:

Mak Long's birthday is on Wednesday November 1st.
Click below to choose an eCard and we will send it on Mak Long's birthday...
http://www.BirthdayAlarm.com/eCard/

Kind Regards,
BirthdayAlarm.com

Oh Poke

2006-10-19T02:10:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, in a forest far, far away, up in a tree, a kokang woke from its slumber and realized its slow poke of a neighbor was talking to it...

"Have you ever felt like you're running out of time, neighbor? Time is moving way too fast for me right now. That it is moving at all, is too much for me. How do I stop time? I want to stop it temporarily, and when I've caught up with my age and the things that happened in the last few years, then I will un-pause it. Give me some time off the clock to think things through. Can I borrow your crystal ball too, while I'm at it? Please?

I don't know yet what I'm looking for, neighbor. The thing that keeps me going everyday is the simple fact that I haven't found what I'm looking for. And what does it mean when your past seems sweeter than your future? Why is it that when I look forward all I see is a big blur? My neck is hurting from looking backwards all the time. I need a massage. When I was at that crossroad, did I not pick the right choice? How many years will it take to undo that mistake? Some things I have lost forever, I know. But surely the path I'm on can still take me to where I want to be. Do you think my heart's frost-bitten? Maybe that's why I can't feel. How is it possible to feel happy and numb at the same time? "

The kokang looked at its distraught neighbor and replied, "Poke, I don't know the answers to your questions. No, you cannot borrow my crystal ball, and no, I will not give you a massage. Now scram."

And with that, the kokang went back to sleep.

Selamat hari raya...

2006-10-16T10:48:00.000-04:00

I was waiting for the elevator this morning when I looked out the hallway door and saw the dimly lit doorway of the apartment building across the street. It is barely light out, and there was nothing out of the ordinary that I can see. Yet, somehow the morning seems different. The garage was still dark when I got down. Someone has a new habit of turning off the lights every night. If only I knew where the light switch is. I'm usually not afraid of the dark, but today was a little different. It was a good thing I didn't have to move E's car to get out.

As I drove out, I saw that the ground was wet. It had been raining. I didn't even hear or smell it. The light drizzle wet my windshield. It looked like my windshield needs a new coat of Rain-X. And that reminded me, I should've worn my raincoat. I contemplated turning back to change, but decided against it. Today I didn't turn on the radio as I usually do when I get out of the garage. Partly because I am not interested in listening about someone's London Bridge wanting to go down, but mostly because I wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. Random as they may be.

My alarm clock went off at 6.19 this morning. I'm pretty sure it had gone off earlier than that, since I set it for 5.30, but the buzzing at 6.19 was what I woke up to. I turned the clock off, jumped out of bed, and headed for the shower. None of the usual turning over and lying on my stomach, pillow-less and diagonally on the bed, while waiting for the alarm to go off again. In the shower I soaped myself twice, because I would otherwise be done showering too quickly.

All the while, I was thinking about my dream. It made me feel so weird. I dreamt about Mak Long, my mom, brothers, and others whom I cannot remember. In fact, I can't even recall what the dream was about. Yet it still threw me off my routine. It made me think about raya. It's almost that time of the year, and eventhough I should be used to celebrating it abroad by now, I am not. Which is why when I am not back home for it, I usually don't celebrate it at all. Or much, anyway. I suppose being able to re-join my lunch crew does lift my spirit. I won't lie about that.

My mom is also trying to get used to a new way of raya. The last few years have been especially rough for her, having to come up with a new raya routine (kubur - home - breakfast raya - nenek's house - Mak Long's), only to have it change again the following year because yet another loved one critical to the routine has passed on. Pretty soon more of our raya crowd will be underground than above. What do we do then? Maybe the kubur session before sembahyang raya would just extend longer and longer. We would need a big sack of flowers. We might need to special order them, in case the usual florist we go to doesn't have enough.

Well, obviously when my cousins marry and breed, the family will grow again. Except now we will all have our own nucleus to gather around during holiday times. Once in a while we will break the norm and bring our families to visit our ex- raya circle. The kids will not understand why they have to visit uncles and aunts they don't even know. I know I didn't. But we will know why, and hopefully we will still do it and enjoy seeing each other again, even if the days of playing buaya buaya are long gone.

I suppose this is part of growing up.

I don't have an interesting title...

2006-10-11T22:14:00.000-04:00

4 units down, 38 to go before graduation. Whoo hoo! :p My marketing class started yesterday. At first, I thought the prof (and class) was going to be really serious. (What kind of marketing class would that be?) His course syllabus sounds really "strict" - cold-calling, stay in the same seat, must read cases and prepare otherwise ur grade will go down the drain, etc. And when he spoke, he sounded really solemn. But he turned out to be quite funny. I like how he manages the time and how much people talk. He's not shy about cutting people off when they're rambling incessantly. Yes! No more air-time hogs. And I forced myself to get into a different group just so I will get to know more people in the class. Usually I'd try to stay with the same group just because it's easier. But I must be more social. Hehe...

I've looked at the Accounting course syllabus and it seems pretty straightforward. It doesn't look like we'll have a project. Phew! I just need to do my homeworks every week. Having gone through one quarter, I see that it's practically impossible for me to take 3 classes at the same time. Which means, unless they offer 2 classes that I want to take in the summer, I probably won't graduate in 2 years. Sedihnya!

Enough about school. Tonight I'm going to attempt to revive my old korok laptop. I went to Target to get CD-r to copy my data. Tonight I'm going to reformat my hard drive. Lately my old laptop has been so slow, rasa macam nak je campak keluar tingkap. I can turn it on, then go to the bathroom, get something to drink, and it still wouldn't be done booting up. Crap betul lah! So we'll see how it'll be after I reformat it.

Today in My Little World

We're (almost) debt freeeeee!

Countdowns and other things

Hello hello!

Must read more

On getting laid off...

Multimedia message

Cabela's

Multimedia message

Uhuh

Hmmm...

All smiles :)

Almost home

Recharge

I am in London...

Ready for take off

Nak pegi merantau

Drama-less

No point to this one (just like the rest)

My very own quiet time

Hi y'all

I understand now

On my own

Thanksgiving weekend

I tried to do handstands for you...

Productive day

This and that and this and that

In Dubai @ Burj Al Arab

When we were in Madrid...

Sighting

Mad Men

Saturday breakfast

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Mmmuuaahhs!

What do these socks have in common?

4th of July

Relax

Fortune

The elements of my new life -

Hello, St. Petersburg

Day 1: Newark - SFO - London - Helsinki

Keep smiling

Nikah day

Buried

Almost...

Round and round and round we go

Camera baru ku

Goodbye my dear friend...

One down...

Halloooo...

Three days...

My latest addiction

Happy Birthday, Kak CT!

This week's burr

Sunday morning

"Hi, my name is Kokes"

Nils's new look :)

Ooops

The final lap

A few dollars short

Awal Muharram

Happy New Year!

Seems like yesterday...

I'm exhausted

Penghibur hati ku

As Told by Ginger

:)

Tamat

Gelak di malam hari...

Yahoooooooo!

Update sikit

Hai

bz bz bz

:(

Back to the grind

Happy Birthday, Yati!

Almost Monday

*Pity Party Alert!*

Mengomel

Pleasant surprise

Pity Party Alert!