On getting laid off...

Now that I've experienced being laid off, I can say that it felt like someone threw me out of a boat, somewhat unexpectedly. It was only somewhat unexpected, because all the signs were there. Revenue was way down, merit increases and bonus put on hold, cost cutting left and right, all that good stuff. We were told that all the laying off was done, no one else need to worry. Alas, the email came one morning with the news that more will be laid off, and they will be notified in the next few days. I packed my stuff that very same day. That was how sure I was that it was coming.

The next day came the phone call, and so there I was, thrown off the boat. I suppose the first few moments after you're thrown into the water, you'd flutter and kick, trying to find which way is up. Vacillating between being professional about it and taking it personally, I cried on and off for about a day or two. No matter what people say - it's nothing personal, revenue much lower than expected, more people than work, new people always gets it first - I couldn't help taking it personally. Here is a group of people who showed me the door, and told me to go. "You are not one of us."

But of course, I believe that truth is usually overrated, and I can choose what I want to believe. So I chose to believe the "new people always gets it first" bit. It made me feel a lot better, and I started to enjoy my unemployment. I was thrown off the boat, had officially stopped fluttering and kicking, and have resorted to floating and swimming about, enjoying the view of the sky, basking in the sun, and looking at the birds. It was quite fun, actually. I even managed to cross a major item off of my bucket list - to backpack through western Europe. I spent three weeks madly researching the places I wanted to visit, and then afterward spent two weeks recuperating from the trip. It was just plain awesome.

I thought that I would quickly get bored of staying at home, but I didn't. I started to cook regularly, go grocery shopping, load/unload dishwasher, do laundry, play games, and sometimes I read. I was a woman of leisure, and I loved it. And then I found Dave Ramsey. I started listening to his radio show, watching his tv show on Hulu, and also read his books. I have heard of him before, and listened to him a couple of times, but previously found some of his advices too conservative. Maybe being laid off has awakened my conservative side. After listening to Dave for a few days, his ideas touched something in me. I have always been a budget nerd, but he got me fired up about getting rid of my student loan (our only debt other than the mortgage). Nils and I can get rid of it much quicker if I work, and that drove me to get serious about job hunting. I am done floating around, and am now trying to climb back onto a boat. This time I'm picking one that I like.

Last week I went for a job interview. I don't think I did too well, and have been glum ever since. It's a company I really want to work for, and to be so close to what I want and then blowing it really sucks. I forgot how much I hated interviewing. Trying to climb onto a new boat sucks ass. I know I'll slip a couple of times and fall back into the water, but eventually I'll get on one. I hope. I will, right? *sigh*