My very own quiet time

I love my quiet (semi-) morning hours on the weekends. TV is off, Nils still sleeping, I'm the only one up melayan friends living in my laptop - as Sang Mimi calls them. In this time, I only hear the noises in my head, and I can only see what's right in front me (barely), sebab belum put in contact lens lagi. It's so quiet, I can actually hear myself think! Oh, and I've discovered that I think in English.

So many people asked last year, that I actually made an effort to find out. It required some effort, because every time I think of that question, I was thinking in English, but then, is it only because I was trying to answer that question? Was I thinking in Malay, but using English words? So confusing. But after many months of never catching myself thinking in Malay, I've concluded that I think in English. Well, at least most of the time. I suspect when I'm talking to my mom and such, I think in Malay. God knows I don't know the English words to "asam keping," "daun pandan," "air muka," "berkenan," and all that stuff. One mystery solved, now on to the next obsession.

I finally ordered my desk last week. Whoo hoo! Even in the midst of working siang malam, I had the time to go look for that. Maybe I finally got tired of working at the dining table, hunched over my laptop, with papers strewn all over. So this Wednesday, my new desk will be here! Whoo hoo! Last week, Nils took some pictures of his antique furnitures to bring down to the auction house. We might sell a couple of pieces to make room (and money) for a sofa set, bedroom set, bookshelves, and maybe some comfy seatings down by the pool table. Last I heard, Nils was talking about a flat screen for that room. The look on my face when he told me that, must've been "not nice," since I haven't heard of that idea since. Actually it's not such a bad one. If we sell the giant 60-incher downstairs, we'll actually gain some space so that it doesn't feel sardine-cramped down there. We'll see lah. Playing house is tiring some time, but it will be nice when this place doesn't feel like a house for one anymore nanti. (Cue evil laugh)

Well, my quiet time is almost over now. I can hear Nils walk to his computer upstairs. If I turn on the tv now, he'll be down here in a jiffy. Haha. Til next time, people. Have a good weekend! Maybe this weekend I'll make nasi lemak with the daun pandan I found. And next on the list is Swedish Meatballs (hai, laki ku...).

Hi y'all

My life has been consumed by work as of late. Like the lesson I recently learned - it doesn't feel good to work all these extra hours, but it will feel a hell of a lot worse if I don't (I'm reminding myself, here). Besides, being on top of things is sort of addicting. I'm on my way to being my old workaholic self... (Yeay!)

I'm so psyched about seeing the girlz this Friday! We'll bitch and party and be merry. Just like old times. Speaking of old.. I remember the days when I was in high school, and 24 - 26-yr old teachers seemed so adult. Seemed like they had all the answers, or at least weren't confused all the time. But they must have been. Everyone I knew at that age was confused and unsure about one thing or another. Now I'm even older than our cool English teachers were. Good God I'm freaking old!

Aging is a funny business. If it were really a business, I'd be convinced there is some swindling going on somewhere. First you don't even realize you're living a life. You don't realize that your parents have their own lives. Or that your teachers have their own lives. That maybe they didn't feel like going to work or cooking or doing wash that day. It's like how people say babies can only comprehend what's in front of them - and when you're out of sight, it's as if you don't exist. It's kind of like that. So we're basically babies until we're 30. And then we're just freaking old (except to people older than 30 who think we're still babies). Our metabolism hits a brick wall. And fast food is once again a treat that I can only afford once a month, lest I would really get supersized. *Sigh*

Today I told a dear little kid that 23 - 27 was about the worst time of my life. It wasn't so much that I hated every minute of those years. But becoming an adult really was a pain in the ass. It was difficult to walk in big shoes with my, then, small feet. I tripped over myself and fell down a lot. And then my feet grew. And now I just have big feet. Oh, and I'm old.

Actually I love being in my 30s. It really is shaping up to be the best years of my life. I'm not broke all the time - only sometimes. I'm not confused all the time, because now many doors have closed on me. But I really am proud that I have no regrets. And sometimes I take stock of my life and feel proud, and then I message Iddy and she has to listen to me talk about myself again. Hehee...

I am, however, terrified of growing old. So I want to try and do everything I want to do while I still can. Before I institute permanent changes that would end my life as I know it. Because after that, it will be a new chapter, and I'll start to trip all over myself again. So for now, I'm going to just rest and enjoy being on my feet.

I understand now

Working on a weekend sucks big time (a long holiday weekend, no less). I only do it because I now know that it will feel much worse next week if I didn't. Hurray for me, for finally learning this lesson...