Sunday morning

When will the rain let up?

"Hi, my name is Kokes"

work·a·hol·ic (wûrk-hôlk, -hlk)

n.

One who has a compulsive and unrelenting need to work.

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This morning I woke up in a fury. Even in my dreams I'm getting pissy at people. It got me to thinking about what is causing this bout of anger and melancholy. I've been struggling to get out of bed in the morning for a few weeks now. Conversations that carry across the cubicle walls annoy me. I haven't been participating in them lately. I rarely do anyway, but at least I used to lend some snickers and what not. Those meaningless chats used to be entertaining and fun.

For better or for worse, I found out what is bothering me. I am a workaholic deprived of work and opportunities to accomplish, even when they mean putting in way more than what I get out of them. What to do, what to do. Bak kata Sang Iddy, "Terima ajelah hakikat." I think she's right. Time to get busy again.

Several things I'm definitely not loving right now:
1. xxxxxxxx is fxxxxxg demotivating
2. The organization processing visa stuff
3. Annual earnings that mystify
4. Saturday classes
5. Supply shortage in the house due to procrastination and forgetfulness
6. Weight
7. Tight clothes (very much related to #6 above)
8. Options that are worth less than cow dung
9. Waiting
10. Being lazy

Some of these I'm taking steps to remedy, others will just stay there because I am not going to put in any effort to stop hating them.

Nils's new look :)

Nils is going for a professorial look with his glasses and beard

"Here, this is my good side"

Both pictures are blurry thanks to my kokak blackberry. Have to push the button so hard to take a picture - and doing that always shakes the phone. When is Nokia coming out with a nice big screen phone nih?

Ooops

I was changing the colors at this blog hari tu, and was going through some pages and realized there were some comments there that I have not seen. It must be those before my laziness periods and when I came back to write a line or two, I didn't even bother to look at the old posts. Sori ye kengkawan kalau ada yang rasa comment nya di ignore (kalau ada, kalau takde eloklah)... Tak sengaja. Ini kes jahiliah :)

The final lap

Classes started on Tuesday, since Monday was MLK holiday. This first week is especially hectic, since I have to go to many different classes to shop for the ones I like. The one last night didn't seem promising, the one today was much better. A couple more to check out, and then I just need to put myself on the wait lists and see which ones I get into. I tried really hard to avoid a Saturday class, but it doesn't seem possible. My choices are limited, and two or three of the good ones are on the same night, so I have to pick between them. So here goes one more haircut-less semester, unless I can get an appointment during spring break Saturday.

Tomorrow I'm taking Nayeem to an SAT class. I can't believe he's graduating high school soon. The cheeky six-year-old is all grown up now.

Now, it's time for me to crawl under the blanket and get warm. It's my favorite time of day... What's yours?

A few dollars short

I can't remember the last time I had to prioritize my shopping cart to weed out the least necessary things, so that I'd have enough money to pay the cashier. So today, having to choose between the bottled water and the pore strips because I was $0.11 short, brought back memories from my Berkeley days. I had some coins in my car, but didn't feel like making the trip out to get them. So when the cashier held up the pore strips and asked me "Should I take these out?", I told her "No, no. Take the water out." That's right, I chose pore strips over water. It didn't feel right, but Target didn't have the water that I like anyway. I had to pick the bottled tap water that just happen to taste better than my own tap water. I can live without it for another day. The pore strips - different story. My facial is still a few weeks away, I am too lazy to use the mask regularly, and now I'm desperate.

I would have had enough for both the water and the strips if I hadn't given some money away to the lady in the van. I was driving back to my office from a meeting when I decided to grab some lunch. I couldn't decide what to eat, so I headed to Target instead. I parked my car, and then realized that I didn't have my wallet. But I figured I have enough cash. I was walking into the store, counting my $1 bills, when this lady in a van stopped me (note to self: do not count money, $1 or larger, in public). The lady said her mother is ill, and they were driving up to Santa Rosa to see her when they discovered that her husband left his wallet at home. Now they don't have enough money for gas.

I looked at the lady, trying to see whether she is just taking me for a sucker, or if she really needed the money. Her husband behind the wheel, and her two teenage kids in the back seat looked away when I looked at them. The lady said she would give me her address if I wanted her to pay me back. (Now that I think about it, I wouldn't know what to do with it even if I had taken her address. Shouldn't she be taking my address instead, so she can mail the money?) I couldn't tell whether she was sincere, but figured that I would give her some of my $1's, just in case she was telling the truth. After all, I've had to ask money from strangers before. Once when I didn't have enough for my Bart ticket, and another time when I didn't have change for the bus. The ding-dong bus driver told me to just get on even though I didn't have exact change, since someone on the bus must have some. Well nobody had enough change, and in the end this nice Chinese lady gave me $1 for the fare. Anyway, my point is, it is possible that her husband forgot his wallet, and she really needed the money for gas. So I gave some of my money to her, and immediately, her husband became engaged in the conversation and thanked me profusely. I'll just assume she was telling the truth. Even if it's mostly to not feel like I've been had.

Driving back to the office, I thought that perhaps I should have asked to look at her fuel gauge, and if it was empty, I should've told her to wait for me at the gas station while I go back and get my wallet. If she trusted that I would come back and waited for me, I'd buy her some gas in return.

Oh well, maybe next time.

Awal Muharram

I would've completely forgotten that it was Awal Muharram if my brother hadn't sms-ed the entire doa akhir tahun. Alahai Adik, apasal tak email aje. Panjang benar, sampai 5 sms. Tak cukup credit, dik oi. Takpelah, thanks for thinking of me dalam sibuk sibuk awak mencari duit tu... Next year I will include reminders for Hijrah dates in my custom calendar. Have you ever ordered a Demotivators calendar? It rocks, yo! Very the appropriate for the office. I just put up a new one for my cube today. My current favorite (http://despair.com/ambition.html):

Selamat tahun baru semua... Semoga tahun ini lebih baik dari yang lepas.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2008 will turn out to be as good as 2007, if not better. I am 30 this year, and am looking forward to some of the best years of my life. I was surprised one morning when I opened the papers to find my horoscope:

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Three cheers for letting go, for letting the universe support you, for being excited about the way your life is unfolding! Your open mind gives you great freedom of choice.

That is exactly how I feel (!). For some reason I feel like I'm starting my adventure, what with the upcoming changes to my personal life, school, and work.

Nils and I announced our engagement over the holidays. Both families were happy to learn about it - his family gave me warm "welcome to the family" hugs and kisses, and my mom was all happy that I am finally to be married and that there is a chance after all that she will get a nice menantu and some grandkids. InsyaAllah.

I need to find out what we need to do. How do you bertunang when one side of the family is 10,000 miles away? Video conference? Good thing my mom is very simple. She said "Tak payah susah susah risaukan hal bertunang, terus nikah aje pun takpe." Hehehe.. That's my mom!

So now Nils and I are trying to sort out the details. So many things to do for both sides of the families and friends. Nils will be around for a week, hopefully we'll have enough time to at least get things started. Neither of us has a vision for what the wedding will be like. Mostly because I know very little about western wedding stuff, and not very much about Malay weddings. I need to talk to my brother. Maybe he can do the research for me. I wonder if I'll find anything useful if I Google mas kahwin serba satu. What does "serba satu" mean? The only thing we both know at this point is that we want it to be simple and hassle-free for everyone involved. Some friends have offered tips, info, and advices. Thanks! I will be asking for more of them :)

So here's to welcoming 2008 and my thirties with open arms. Cheers!