Welcome, winter

It was nice to have a couple of days away from the office. Thanksgiving dinner at the mountain house was nice. Nothing out of the ordinary, just sitting and yapping. Weather was quite whacky, it was in the 60s in DC and New Jersey, and it's in the 40s here in SF Bay Area. Brrr... I now sleep with the windows closed. Winter is officially here.

Two more weeks before wrapping up the first semester. My extra project at work started yesterday, and I'm thinking of offering my soon-to-be free time to devote to the project so I can get more experience. Work nowadays have turned into mini ventures of trying to get into areas I might want to be in after business school (and green card).

Nils and I had a serious talk about things while I was out there for a visit. We've kind of switched gears from asking "Should we..." to "How do we...". Perhaps in trying to answer this question we will discover whether we can find a way to do it, and whether we have the stomach for what might lie ahead. Life choices beckon.

I did one thing right

Hah, the best thing I did recently was to quit gym. :) I've left that whole world behind me. Gym membership and exercise machine ads no longer draw a reaction from me. I hardly notice them anymore. I have built an antibody against that world and things associated with it. Today I realized I don't even think about exercising anymore. It's a relief, I tell you. I don't have thoughts like "I'm supposed to go to the gym today", or "Oh no, I haven't been to the gym in four weeks". I'm freeeeeeeee! When people ask me, I proudly tell them "I quit."

Now, if only I can answer the same when they ask about these other things.

Today's random thoughts:

• When something happens that doesn't sit well with you, does it eventually settle down as time goes by, or do you have to put in an effort to do something about it?

• Today, even the thought of accommodating other people wears me out. I'm all hostessed out.

• At work, why have I been in a hostile mood for the past few months? Why don't I feel like stopping from being a bitch?

• I feel so tired all day, think about taking a nap all the way driving home from work, and yet, when I get home I stay up all night and wake up early the next day.

• Why? Why? Why? Why this and why that? And where? Where are can I find the answers?

• I wonder if MC already updated her blog or put up new pictures yet...

• Ah, Iddy masih tidur. Kalau tak, boleh kacau dia.

• Pity party.

Finally, we get our grades

Grades for first quarter classes are out. Remember those people we sneered and jeered at back in our old college days? Those who whine about not getting that A they've so rightly earned? I've become one of them. Quite unfortunate, but I don't really care. I was pissed when I got my microecon grade - that was a few weeks ago, so I've calmed down significantly by now. Well, tonight we got our OB grades. And although it's not as good as I wanted it to be, I'm relieved it is not worse. I'm a little bummed at both my grades and am really trying to do better this quarter. How did S get As in both classes?? Bastard.... Well, I already told him how I feel about that, so don't worry, I haven't quite grown a malicious bone. Not added new ones, at least.

I thoroughly enjoy my classes and learning all the stuff, so if nothing else, I'd have enjoyed the whole journey by the end of this program. So here's to trying harder and maybe getting what you aim for. Cheers!

Toiyoiyoiyoing

It's super busy at work nowadays, I don't know where to begin. Have you ever feel like your feet are not touching the ground? I know I have more things to do than time to do them. And I'm sure some of these things will miss their deadlines, but I can't quite figure out which one. But when I lay out a schedule, it doesn't seem that bad, and they all fit! So why do I feel so overwhelmed? I know I'm not being the golden employee that I usually am. Too bad for my new boss, I don't think she's ever seen me at my best. Maybe that is too bad for me, but since I'm not chasing a promotion or whatever, I don't really mind. I just need to concentrate on school, do my best, collect my bonus yang sepuncit tu, and move on to the next step.

*sigh* Hang in there Kokes... The end is near. Well, nearer than yesterday, at least.

I haven't been very good at keeping in touch with my friends either. If any of you are reading this, thousand apologies, ok? I think about you guys EVERYDAY. Cuma tak write aje. Partly because I don't have any new stories to tell. It's all the same. School, work, busy busy busy, school, work some more, still don't know what's gonna happen with Nils, all those stuff. Nothing new. I am losing more weight, though. Hehehe.. Yahoo!

Laser

Hellooooo...

I hope everyone had a good raya. Mine was ok. That's kind of a lie, since I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary on 1st raya. Usual day at the office. Takpelah, I beraya dalam hati. Oh, I watched siaran langsung sembahyang raya from Masjid Negara at the office, I guess you can count that as the highlight of my raya. No worries, it's all good. Nanti ada rezeki tahun tahun depan bole beraya kat kampung.

As of late, I've become somewhat of a "mulut lepas" at the office (cerita ini takde kena mengena dengan raya). Yes, I speak my mind quite freely nowadays, despite the fact that my boss sits in the cubicle across from me. In fact, sometimes I hope she can hear me. No, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against her. She is my third boss, and so far I have been blessed to have three cool bosses in my career. It makes a world of a difference, having a nice boss. At least I don't feel like korek-ing my eyes out when thinking of doing all I can to help her achieve her goals. She's not lokek on sharing her knowledge of the industry practice, contacts at other companies, etc. And for that I will always be grateful. I've always wondered how people do things at other companies. Cuma tulah, sometimes when trying to help she actually adds to the work, so I have to bersabar and keep reminding myself that she means well. I think having female bosses who have kids is a pretty good thing. They have experience dealing with unruly behaviors.

If you are waiting for a point to this story, there is none. Only that realizing my new "mulut lepas" habit reminds me of my mom's comment to my brother and I on one malam before raya (Adik is even more laser than me, ok). "Dah, jangan nak mulut mulut laser kan mak. Mak dah tua." Hehehe... Apa pulak kena mengenanya dengan usia? Apa, kena duck from the laser beams ke? Pshyuu.. pshyuuu... pshyuuu... Hehehe... Sori ye mak... Maaf zahir batin!