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Nils and I went to visit his dad a couple of weeks ago. While the guys were busy in the kitchen, I looked for something to read. Suddenly, dad went "I'll give you Grey's Anatomy to read." I was hella surprised. One, I didn't know there was a book version of Grey's Anatomy, and two, dad would be the last person to be reading, much less owning one.

Dad disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a giant book. "Sorry, couldn't find Grey's, here's Grant's instead." Wha? What on earth is he talking about?? Then I looked at the ancient book - Grant's Atlas of the Anatomy.

After some period of confusion and subsequent googling, I figured out he was talking about Gray's Anatomy. The textbook on human anatomy. I didn't know such a book existed, or that it was where "Grey's Anatomy" got its title. And I still don't quite know why dad would give me a human anatomy textbook to read. I must've looked really bored.

:)

On getting laid off...

Now that I've experienced being laid off, I can say that it felt like someone threw me out of a boat, somewhat unexpectedly. It was only somewhat unexpected, because all the signs were there. Revenue was way down, merit increases and bonus put on hold, cost cutting left and right, all that good stuff. We were told that all the laying off was done, no one else need to worry. Alas, the email came one morning with the news that more will be laid off, and they will be notified in the next few days. I packed my stuff that very same day. That was how sure I was that it was coming.

The next day came the phone call, and so there I was, thrown off the boat. I suppose the first few moments after you're thrown into the water, you'd flutter and kick, trying to find which way is up. Vacillating between being professional about it and taking it personally, I cried on and off for about a day or two. No matter what people say - it's nothing personal, revenue much lower than expected, more people than work, new people always gets it first - I couldn't help taking it personally. Here is a group of people who showed me the door, and told me to go. "You are not one of us."

But of course, I believe that truth is usually overrated, and I can choose what I want to believe. So I chose to believe the "new people always gets it first" bit. It made me feel a lot better, and I started to enjoy my unemployment. I was thrown off the boat, had officially stopped fluttering and kicking, and have resorted to floating and swimming about, enjoying the view of the sky, basking in the sun, and looking at the birds. It was quite fun, actually. I even managed to cross a major item off of my bucket list - to backpack through western Europe. I spent three weeks madly researching the places I wanted to visit, and then afterward spent two weeks recuperating from the trip. It was just plain awesome.

I thought that I would quickly get bored of staying at home, but I didn't. I started to cook regularly, go grocery shopping, load/unload dishwasher, do laundry, play games, and sometimes I read. I was a woman of leisure, and I loved it. And then I found Dave Ramsey. I started listening to his radio show, watching his tv show on Hulu, and also read his books. I have heard of him before, and listened to him a couple of times, but previously found some of his advices too conservative. Maybe being laid off has awakened my conservative side. After listening to Dave for a few days, his ideas touched something in me. I have always been a budget nerd, but he got me fired up about getting rid of my student loan (our only debt other than the mortgage). Nils and I can get rid of it much quicker if I work, and that drove me to get serious about job hunting. I am done floating around, and am now trying to climb back onto a boat. This time I'm picking one that I like.

Last week I went for a job interview. I don't think I did too well, and have been glum ever since. It's a company I really want to work for, and to be so close to what I want and then blowing it really sucks. I forgot how much I hated interviewing. Trying to climb onto a new boat sucks ass. I know I'll slip a couple of times and fall back into the water, but eventually I'll get on one. I hope. I will, right? *sigh*

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Updating the blu-ray player is a pain in the ass. I have to do it to watch Australia. It better be worth it!

Cabela's

On the way home from Virginia yesterday, we stopped at Cabela's because Nils wanted to get some fishing gear. There were elaborate animals display throughout the store. Quite an experience :)

New fishing pole, yeay!

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Nils working on father's day steaks. Whoo hoo!

Uhuh

Who says only working people get to not have a life?

(mamamama)

Hmmm...

So how come the Daisypath ticker above says it's 11 months+ to my first anniversary? Shouldn't it be our second anniversary a year from now?

Actually both Nils and I forgot it was our nikah anniversary today (technically yesterday, since it's past midnight). Someone else reminded us of it. Haha... May there by many more laughters in the years to come.

:*

All smiles :)

Not working has been really great. I am happy everyday, every day feels like a Saturday, I no longer hate Mondays, I get to live more than 2 days a week, and what else? I don't know, but I know there are more things I'm currently loving.

Strangely enough, now that I take in less money, I am more eager to spend my allowance. I think because I don't have to work for the money, I am less attached to it. I still put away a little bit for my not-so-secret stash, but I (happily) spend most of it. As a result, I am now waiting for an array of new toys, with a couple more on the list for when I get my next couple of allowances. Whoo hooo!

Fun or no fun, I have started to work on my resume. There is this one job that I want, so I'm tailoring my resume for it. I know I will have to apply to a couple of hundred before I'll land one, but at least I have a place to start. Nils is happy about that. Me, I'm not excited yet, but I know the time will come when I get bored of staying at home. I also don't want to delay our actual retirement too much, so I know I have to get a job soon :) The real retirement will be more awesome than this, because Nils will be "at home" with me, and we won't have to worry too much about saving for old age (we would both be old by then). Maybe we'll get lucky and get to retire earlier than planned. Who knows...

Almost home

One last stop, and my 30-day whirlwind of a trip will be over. And I can then proudly cross out another item off of my list of things-to-do-before-I-die.

It has been an enriching trip, beyond what I hoped for - seeing 3 STF friends (and one more tomorrow!), eating Iddy's cooking, hanging out and getting to know Aza, learning the meaning of majestic (The Alps) and out-of-this-world (Berthillon and Amorino ice creams), being in awe of ancient civilizations, buildings and paintings (how did it even occur to them to create these things?), using laundromat with German instructions, and realizing how much I like to eat rice (!). All I hoped for when I left home almost a month ago, was a couple of pictures decent enough to make some postcards and fill an album. Thanks Nils, for giving me your "blessing", letting me go on this trip, and not even once complaining that I get to go to all these places while you have to go to work to keep the household in the black (I love u!).

Now, on to my last adventure. Faiez, see you in the morning!! Amsterdam, here I come!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Recharge

Every morning when I was in Rome, I stopped at the same cafe to get my breakfast of chocolate croissant and bottled water. By the second day, the guy had already knew me at sight and greeted me as I walk in ("Ciao! Chocolat?") and whenever our eyes meet as I walk to and from the train station during the day.

This morning, armed with my usual breakfast, I headed to the Termini, lugging my backpack (on its wheels). A quick stop at the ticket machine, bancomat, and a quiet corner to stuff the cash in my bra, and I was on my way.

The train ride to La Spezia is quite scenic. Passing through Civita,I got a glimpse of what may be in store when I get to Cinque Terre. The coastal view was breathtaking, laced with houses perched on steep, rocky cliffs, facing the green ocean. I was suddenly excited at the prospect of hiking alongside a similarly spectacular view (this, from a person who detests walking of any sort). The next 2 days will be awesome!

Thus far, I've been happy with my itinerary. After hectic sightseeing in London and Paris, I got to recharge and enjoy quiet walks in the Alps. I remember telling Idlan that I finally understood the meaning of majestic, for the Alps was truly that - simply majestic. My only recollection of prior talks of the Alps was from my high school geography classes - banjaran Rocky dan Alps. It was really something to see the humbling mountains in person, instead of just on brown and green topographical maps.

Now, after the hustle and bustle of Florence and Rome, I will get to wind down in the (hopefully) serene Italian Riviera before continuing my journey. Twelve more days, and I will be back in my bed (ini kes homesick).

--
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I am in London...

... wishing I have my tripod with me

Ready for take off

One cancelled flight, two flight changes, a gate change, and a plate of rice after Nils sent me off, I am finally settled down at my gate. Out the window, the plane that will take me to Heathrow has just pulled in. That is a giant improvement over how things have been. Oddly, the only time thing that frazzled me so far, was when I couldn't find the restaurant that Nils told me to eat at (oxtail soup, yumm). Villagers.

Nils said it's right after the security check, near the high number gates. I looked around, and when I couldn't find it, I walked over to the next security checkpoint. It was for gates 110+ which seemed like high numbers. I ventured in. No Villagers.

So I walked even further to the next checkpoint. "For gates 90 - ..." - 90 seemed like a high number to me. But still no Villagers. Thank goodness there is no other checkpoint in this terminal, or I would have continued on.

Frustrated, tired, sweaty, I huffed and puffed back to my gate and ate at a Chinese place. After I got my food, I texted Nils:

"Walked all over and didn't find Villagers!"

"What's a village?" came the reply.

"Place u told me to eat!"

"Gallaghers. Sorry phone autotext is stupid"

And from where I was sitting, I could see, in red neon lights "G a l l a g h e r s" *sigh*

Still in my backyard, but the adventures have begun.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Nak pegi merantau

Now that I'm pretty much done with reservation stuff for my trip, I have time to chill and enjoy my free days. I cant' believe it's barely 2 weeks since I've been unemployed. Time goes by so slowly, and not in a bad way either. At first I was bumming about being laid off (which lasted for about a day), but after deciding that it's nothing personal (they laid me off not because I suck!), things look a lot better.

Within about a week, I decided to go backpacking through Europe for a month. I know this is probably the only chance I have to do this, if I were going to have a family in the next few years. So Europe it is, and I'm leaving 8 days from today. Deciding on a reasonable itinerary was extremely hard, but thank God for Google Earth, and once I mapped everything down on a calendar, it became quite obvious what I will and will not have time for. Thank you also to Tourist #2 for being bersabar, listening to me talking about nothing but my trip, and keeping me company online on my sleepless nights trying to decide on places to see.

It's funny that I will see Iddy again after seeing her not nine months ago, thinking I might not get a chance to go back anytime soon. This trip is going to be very much on a tight budget because (a) Nils is not coming along, so I'm limited to whatever I've saved of my allowance, and (b) My income stream will soon be limited to unemployment checks, so I have to conserve appropriately. But I will make the most of it and will have tons of fun!! I can't wait to see Iddy, Aza, and Faiez!! I sure hope Aza's french is better than mine. And Faiez, you better stock up your pantry for your show-and-tell cooking nanti! Nanti kau buatla desserts bubur ca-ca ke, sago gula melaka ke, ok? By the time aku sampai Amsterdam tu nanti dah kurus sket kot sebab angkut beg sana sini.

So now that rooms and transportation is all set, I'm moving on to reading about the sights and learning a couple of French, Italian, and German phrases.

Ciao!

Drama-less

My life is devoid of drama. And mostly by design. But maybe drama is what gives life meaning. And maybe even I need some of it. That might explain why I'm starting to watch TV shows for their drama. Following underlying twisted plots of relationships and random happenings in people's (unreal) lives gives me something to relate to. Albeit a very one-way sort of relation. I think I'm just getting lonely.

I read somewhere that having a best friend at work increases your job satisfaction. My best friend at work is physically 3,000 miles away, but our daily contact brightens my day at the office all the same - even when it's limited to seeing the green dot and reading the day's status. Other than that, I've basically kept to myself at work. I think I've even stopped trying and started avoiding. I don't even know why.

It's funny that after I moved away, the Bay Area really seems like home to me. I know the back roads, the fast lanes, the slow lanes, and within a 25 mile radius, I can drive around without needing a GPS. I know where to find things. I know none of that here in New Jersey, but of course, it's because I "just" moved here. The thing is, I don't know if I care if I never know where things are here. But this is where I live. And a giant dump of a strip mall or not, this is home for now.

No point to this one (just like the rest)

I was so bumming I lost my Ferragamo boots. Since it gets so cold lately ni, I went and bought myself a new pair. It was so hard to find a decent pair that's not too trendy. Aku ni manalah reti fashion fashion sangat ni. But, wah! Rupanya Stuart Weitzman ni memang sungguh comfy! Nils doesn't like the pointy toes, but I love! Oklah, so maybe now I'm not so bummed out anymore. Whoo hoo!

Did I tell you, last week Nils masak sardine with cili padi for me? Muahaha! So good! And so nice of him to cook for me while I was swamped with work. Especially considering he doesn't eat sardin. Fishing bait, he says. Ada ke patut?? :p But it's ok, more for me!

My very own quiet time

I love my quiet (semi-) morning hours on the weekends. TV is off, Nils still sleeping, I'm the only one up melayan friends living in my laptop - as Sang Mimi calls them. In this time, I only hear the noises in my head, and I can only see what's right in front me (barely), sebab belum put in contact lens lagi. It's so quiet, I can actually hear myself think! Oh, and I've discovered that I think in English.

So many people asked last year, that I actually made an effort to find out. It required some effort, because every time I think of that question, I was thinking in English, but then, is it only because I was trying to answer that question? Was I thinking in Malay, but using English words? So confusing. But after many months of never catching myself thinking in Malay, I've concluded that I think in English. Well, at least most of the time. I suspect when I'm talking to my mom and such, I think in Malay. God knows I don't know the English words to "asam keping," "daun pandan," "air muka," "berkenan," and all that stuff. One mystery solved, now on to the next obsession.

I finally ordered my desk last week. Whoo hoo! Even in the midst of working siang malam, I had the time to go look for that. Maybe I finally got tired of working at the dining table, hunched over my laptop, with papers strewn all over. So this Wednesday, my new desk will be here! Whoo hoo! Last week, Nils took some pictures of his antique furnitures to bring down to the auction house. We might sell a couple of pieces to make room (and money) for a sofa set, bedroom set, bookshelves, and maybe some comfy seatings down by the pool table. Last I heard, Nils was talking about a flat screen for that room. The look on my face when he told me that, must've been "not nice," since I haven't heard of that idea since. Actually it's not such a bad one. If we sell the giant 60-incher downstairs, we'll actually gain some space so that it doesn't feel sardine-cramped down there. We'll see lah. Playing house is tiring some time, but it will be nice when this place doesn't feel like a house for one anymore nanti. (Cue evil laugh)

Well, my quiet time is almost over now. I can hear Nils walk to his computer upstairs. If I turn on the tv now, he'll be down here in a jiffy. Haha. Til next time, people. Have a good weekend! Maybe this weekend I'll make nasi lemak with the daun pandan I found. And next on the list is Swedish Meatballs (hai, laki ku...).

Hi y'all

My life has been consumed by work as of late. Like the lesson I recently learned - it doesn't feel good to work all these extra hours, but it will feel a hell of a lot worse if I don't (I'm reminding myself, here). Besides, being on top of things is sort of addicting. I'm on my way to being my old workaholic self... (Yeay!)

I'm so psyched about seeing the girlz this Friday! We'll bitch and party and be merry. Just like old times. Speaking of old.. I remember the days when I was in high school, and 24 - 26-yr old teachers seemed so adult. Seemed like they had all the answers, or at least weren't confused all the time. But they must have been. Everyone I knew at that age was confused and unsure about one thing or another. Now I'm even older than our cool English teachers were. Good God I'm freaking old!

Aging is a funny business. If it were really a business, I'd be convinced there is some swindling going on somewhere. First you don't even realize you're living a life. You don't realize that your parents have their own lives. Or that your teachers have their own lives. That maybe they didn't feel like going to work or cooking or doing wash that day. It's like how people say babies can only comprehend what's in front of them - and when you're out of sight, it's as if you don't exist. It's kind of like that. So we're basically babies until we're 30. And then we're just freaking old (except to people older than 30 who think we're still babies). Our metabolism hits a brick wall. And fast food is once again a treat that I can only afford once a month, lest I would really get supersized. *Sigh*

Today I told a dear little kid that 23 - 27 was about the worst time of my life. It wasn't so much that I hated every minute of those years. But becoming an adult really was a pain in the ass. It was difficult to walk in big shoes with my, then, small feet. I tripped over myself and fell down a lot. And then my feet grew. And now I just have big feet. Oh, and I'm old.

Actually I love being in my 30s. It really is shaping up to be the best years of my life. I'm not broke all the time - only sometimes. I'm not confused all the time, because now many doors have closed on me. But I really am proud that I have no regrets. And sometimes I take stock of my life and feel proud, and then I message Iddy and she has to listen to me talk about myself again. Hehee...

I am, however, terrified of growing old. So I want to try and do everything I want to do while I still can. Before I institute permanent changes that would end my life as I know it. Because after that, it will be a new chapter, and I'll start to trip all over myself again. So for now, I'm going to just rest and enjoy being on my feet.

I understand now

Working on a weekend sucks big time (a long holiday weekend, no less). I only do it because I now know that it will feel much worse next week if I didn't. Hurray for me, for finally learning this lesson...